Guy Gets Dumped, Goes On Crazy Alcohol Bender That Gets Him Caught Doing Some Real Pervy Shit On A Carousel Ride

by 3 years ago
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Alcohol mixed with theme parks can either be a recipe for fun or a recipe for vomit-induced disaster; both are fair game. The more likely scenario is that you hop on a rollercoaster, make it down that first giant hill and wind up spewing lunch all over the heads of a nice family as the car flies overhead. But what happens when you’re drunk at a theme park as a security guard working the night shift who also just got dumped? According to Redditor ExEmployeOnCarousel you hump the horses on the carousel ride, get caught on the security cameras and are promptly fired. Fun!

I used to work as security in a small theme park. Past tense because this fuck up got me fired. This happened a few years ago. This is the most terrifying, shameful, fucked up experience I’ve ever had in my life. Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I’m an alcoholic (sober for eight months now). I was going through a really rough time of my life. My girlfriend of three years had just left me. In fact this fuck up happened the same day she left. I don’t blame her at all, she deserve someone better than me for sure. I was devastated, and I got drunk. The fuck up isn’t that she left me, but the fact that I went to work drunk. Surprisingly I went through the day without any trouble. We closed the park, and I don’t quite remember how, but I ended up being locked inside the theme park. I assume my colleagues just figured I had left, and decided to lock it down. So obviously brilliant as I was, I decided to continue to drink, right there, in the theme park. I went to where we store confiscated alcohol (you’re not allowed to bring alcohol into the park, so we confiscate it). Long story short, I got wasted on confiscated alcohol, and I don’t really remember what happened after that.

The next day I woke up in a bathroom stall, still in the park. Still slightly drunk. That’s when I noticed that I was naked. Oddly my clothes were folded neatly on the toilet seat next to me. I just remember looking in the mirror in disbelief, what a fucking mess I was in. Had I known what was coming next though, I would’ve flushed myself down the toilet. I got dressed. I don’t know what time it was exactly, but it was before opening time, since no guests were in the park. I needed to get out of there. I wasn’t thinking clearly, or I would’ve climbed the fence and ran as far away as I possibly could’ve; I definitely wouldn’t have gone to our office building to collect my stuff before heading home. And that’s what I did. And there in the office was my two co-workers who had the morning shift, my supervisor, the theme park director, and to make the matter worse, two policemen. They were all gathered around a monitor, clearly watching something horrible, judging by the look on their faces. I moved closer, then I could see it too; it was security footage, the 60’s carousel in our park was lit, and running. And then I noticed the man. There was a naked man bent over on one of the horses on the carousel, arms hanging down on either side. He was either sobbing really hard, or humping the horse. I’m a 32 year old man, and I’ve never been good at handling my emotions under stress, and this was the most excruciating situation I’ve ever been in. I was so ashamed of myself. I don’t remember what they were saying, or if they were talking; I just started to howl. Like a wolf. Like I was just stabbed in my stomach, I collapsed on my knees and started crying uncontrollably. They all turned around at once, with the biggest “what the fuck” expression on their faces, I think it took a while for them to register what I was doing, and who I was, they must have put two and two together however, because they all stood with an open mouth at this point. Still on my knees, I must have realized how pathetic I looked, because I stopped crying and I just looked up at them. They just kept staring at me like they couldn’t believe what was happening; and neither could I. It honestly felt like minutes of us just looking at each others. It was awful.

The police asked me questions, don’t really remember what exactly I said/what happened, but needless to say I got fired.

tl;dr: Girlfriend left me, so I decided to get drunk on confiscated alcohol in the theme park I worked at, ended up riding the carousel naked. Had to face my co-workers and two policemen, who just watched what happened on the security camera footage.

EDIT: They locked the park with me inside, but I still had the key, it wasn’t like I couldn’t get out.

While this tale is pathetic on multiple levels let’s not forget that the guy’s been eight months sober since this incident — a feat that not many people, alcoholics or not, can boast about. With that in mind a hearty congratulations to ExEmployeeOnCarousel — may your future be filled with non-alcoholic beer and a definitive lack of carousel ponies (just in case).

[Via Reddit]


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