Look At All The Idiots On Facebook Who Think This Fake Parody Story About A Navy SEAL Is Real

by 4 years ago
Screen Shot 2015-04-08 at 2.48.25 PM


Because I enjoy a good laugh and take very few things seriously, I love what The Onion does. A few years ago the satire site joked about Planned Parenthood opening a $8 billion Abortionplex. The outrage from the people who thought the story was real on Facebook was hilarious. But even more hilarious was the Republican Congressman who cited The Onion as a factual source in his anti-Planned Parenthood crusade.

Clickhole is The Onion’s parody site making fun of the Internet and the massively stupid things that get shared on a daily basis. My professional livelihood comes from the ebb and flow of the viral Internet, so I think Clickhole’s satire of the viral web is hilarious, despite appealing to a very niche audience of heavy Internet users/publishing professionals. Yesterday they published this gem about a ficitious Navy SEAL named Lieutenant Jared LaPorta. Lt. LaPorta has a completely ridiculous-sounding job that feeds into an urban legend that started after SEAL Team 6 capped Osama:

Screen Shot 2015-04-08 at 3.04.33 PM


A story like this strikes a nerve because people LOVE sharing flag-waving patriotic rah-rah stories about “heroes” on Facebook. Even if they’re not real.


“When I’m dispatched to the beach, my directive is simple,” says the courageous SEAL. “I immediately attempt to locate the dead body of Osama bin Laden, which may be partially buried in the sand or bobbing up and down in the shallows. I then return the corpse to the deep by either pushing the body out into the surf or hurling it into the sea as far as I can throw it.”

Lt. LaPorta’s task requires unwavering vigilance. Since bin Laden’s body first washed up on Coney Island 12 hours after its original burial at sea, there has not been a single 36-hour period in which the corpse of the former al-Qaeda leader has not been swept onto the sand by the tides. It has surfaced in locations as diverse as the Canary Islands, the coast of Maine, the Arctic Circle, and San Francisco Bay.

As stupid as that sounds, real living, breathing human beings thought this satirical piece was actually “news”, proving Clickhole’s general M.O. that “the news” media industrial complex is (a. extremely ridiculous and (b. manufactured bullshit.

On Facebook — where keyboard warriors are always quick to react before reading and/or thinking — the joke went right over many people’s head. Some of the reactions, presumably 100% serious, are amazing, with trolls egging them on.

The derp is strong with these ones:



2-i-hope-you-like-this-story 3-maybe-when-you-post-it-you-can-give-us-a-link 4-we-would-appreciate-that  6-its-fun-to-laugh-at-how-lol-the-internet-is 7-i-mean-come-on-wtf 8-so-you-are-going-to-credit-brobible-right 9-yeah-go-get-em-tough-guy




The shares from the Clickhole Facebook post are equally amazing. Fortunately some people have friends smart enough to call them out for getting outraged over a fake, satirical post:  

11-lol-its-satire-guys 12-the-job-isnt-real-bro 13-funny-friend-thinks-it-real 14-lol-thanks-for-looking-it-up-on-snopes 15-his-friend-thinks-its-real 16-me-too-keyboard-warrior


And finally: 



Facebook commenters who think posts from comedy websites that show up on their timelines, you all win the Navy Seal Seal Seal Seal Of Approval.

Screen Shot 2015-04-08 at 2.49.17 PM

Never change, Internet.

TAGSFacebookMilitarynavy sealsThe Internet