Guy From Florida Heading To Prison After Stealing $500,000 From A Blind Woman In Order To Buy Cars And Nipple Pasties



I’m going to start this one off with my favorite Vine of all time.

Listen, if you’re going to make anybody the victim of a crime, you can’t choose a better target than a blind person. Not all blind people are like Daredevil. They’re not going to be able to identify you by your smell. However, just because the crime is a homerun doesn’t mean you should do it. It’s like stealing someone’s dog when they tie it up outside the supermarket. You could just take it, but you really shouldn’t.

Which I guess is a lesson that this dude from Florida never learned.

Via Daily News:

“A Florida man was sentenced to 17 years behind bars after he drugged an elderly woman for three years — so he could steal her money and use it on $500,000 of luxury items, including Lamborghini rentals, paint-ball equipment and high-end nipple pasties.

Eduardo Ravelo, 36, took care of the aging Irene Boyansky for a decade, according to the Miami Herald. As the Bal Harbour widow began to lose her eyesight, Ravelo saw an opportunity. He started writing himself checks from her account and later added his name to her credit card, even going so far as to call American Express using his best old lady voice. Between 2011 and 2013 he spent a massive amount of the widow’s money, financial investigator Ed Gutman said.

He dropped $90,000 on luxury car rentals — Lamborghinis, Porsches, BMWs and more. He shelled out another $43,000 at high-end jewelry stores. But his purchases also included less predictable items, like pricy pasties from upscale lingerie retailer Agent Provacateur. According to the Bal Harbour store’s website, nipple pasties go for $135 to $270. He also used his ill-gotten gains on luxury watches, paint ball equipment, electronics, iTunes purchases, furniture and glasses. All the while, he mixed sleeping pills in Boyansky’s orange juice to keep her compliant.

In the end, it was a minor medical miracle that led to his demise.

Boyansky had surgery and got her sight back — and that’s when she caught on to her caretaker’s crime spree. When police confronted Ravelo, he confessed to his stolen shopping spree — but said he only did it because he wasn’t getting paid enough. Boyansky died of natural causes died at 88, before the case went to trial. In May, a jury convicted Ravelo of money laundering, theft from the elderly and fraudulent use of identification. This week, a judge sentenced him to state prison time. Friday, prosecutors will ask for $500,000 in restitution.”

Ah, the classic “I didn’t realize she wasn’t blind anymore” trump card. Is this weird? Yes. But anyone that needs nipple pasties and rental lamborghinis in order to have a fun night on the town is probably pretty weird. But I don’t totally fault this guy. The woman was 88 years old. Her money was just collecting dust. At least he was giving it a purpose. Money’s meant to stuffed into a stripper’s buttcrack, not take up space in a wallsafe. Also, hilarious that his only argument was that he wasn’t getting paid enough. Imagine that actually worked? “Well Your Honor, I only stole that money because my cheapskate boss isn’t paying me enough.” “Oh in that case it’s ok. I order your boss to open his wallet and give you more money so this doesn’t happen again.” I’d steal everything I could get my hands on. Fuck, I’d steal someone’s kid and just say my wife wasn’t hot enough to sleep with. Maybe the judge would give me  hotter wife.

BroBible Newsletter - The best sports and culture news directly to your inbox

* indicates required