Did the Four Seasons Send You This Offer, Too? Or Do They Think You Can’t Afford a $240,000 Trip Like I Also Can’t?

by 4 years ago


Four Seasons hotels and resorts are top-drawer. Everyone knows that. I was lucky enough to stay at two of them last year; one in Beverly Hills on a PR company’s dime to play in the ESPY golf tournament and then later in the year at their Kona location for my honeymoon. That was easily the nicest resort I’ve ever stayed at. If I had “fuck you” money, I’d make that place my permanent residence.

Anyway, those were literally the only two times in my life that I’ve stayed at a Four Seasons. And I wasn’t renting out the fucking presidential suite or anything even close. So how the fuck did I get on the distribution list for this trip that costs TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS?

I suspect that will remain a mystery.

What does a trip that comes with such a ridiculous price tag entail? Well, let me tell you, friends. Twenty-four days of private jets, food, shelter at the Four Seasons resorts, and an infinite amount of good vibes. The map below — which was a part of the 15-page book and registration form they sent me, because LET’S TORTURE THE POORS! — details all the locations you and your wife/girlfriend/whoever will travel from March 16 -April 8, 2015.

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Here is where I take issue with the trip itself. Even if I could afford to blow a quarter mil on this (I obviously can’t), I wouldn’t even want to go on this specific trip. In 24-days, you are spending 48 hours flying. Plus, if you don’t live in the starting and ending cities, you have to pay out-of-pocket to get to LA and then back home from London. THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT? I’m paying $240K and you’re not flying me wherever the fuck I please?

I could honestly get past the fact that you’re losing two days of the 24-day trip in the air, but the real stick up my ass is the fact that you only get to spend three days (at most) in each location. And also that you could probably do this on your own for a less than a fifth of the cost. But let’s not even open that box.

What rich person would even want to do this?

My guess is the answer to that question NO ONE, since I believe they sent this offer to me in the third or fourth or fifth or even tenth wave of distributions. And I think that because the “cancelation policy” within the book shows tiers of when you can cancel by and the penalties for doing so. The first cancelation deadline is July 15, 2014. I got this in the mail yesterday, seven days after that deadline. Which means the Four Seasons is hurting so bad for people to book this trip that they are banking on some poor shithead (see: me) to squander his entire life savings on what seems like a really exhausting trip.

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