These Are The Funniest (Possibly NSFW) Reasons Students Have Been Sent To The Principal’s Office
I’m trying to think of the most f’d up reason that I ever got kicked out of class or sent to the principal’s office and all I’m coming up with is ‘smoking cigarettes near the portable buildings’. If we’re being completely honest here I was an absolute dickhead, the world’s biggest asshole from the age of about 12 to 14, and I was kicked out of class on the regular before I got my shit together and became the greatest and most humble student the world has ever known. Going back to me unable to think of the truly great reasons I got clicked out of class though, while I’m having trouble remembering my best reasons for getting kicked out I enjoyed the crap out of these stories from teachers on the best reasons they’d ever sent students to see the principal. Let’s check ’em out:
Girl got so drunk that she locked herself in the bathroom.
We found her and obviously had to call her parents to come take her home. We kept telling her, “Listen, it’s your dean and you have to unlock the door.”
She kept responding in the horrible drunk teenager voice, “No YOU listen….I’m YOUR dean.” It was very difficult for us to not break down in laughter.
There was a student with Autism who lived in a very literal world, we’ll call him, T. You had to be precise with your words as T could not comprehend slang or figurative language. He had an issue with another student at recess the day prior. It was something minor about a basketball. Basically, T had a basketball and placed it under the goal and walked away, another student grabbed it, T became angry and ultimately gave the ball to the other student rather begrudgingly. Apparently, T told his uncle and the uncle’s response was, “I’d have made that kid eat a shit sandwich!” Well, T made a quick stop by the litter box before coming to school. He also wrote a note to the other kid saying, “I get the ball today, you can have this shit sandwich.” It wasn’t a gesture he viewed as inappropriate, he actually thought the shit sandwich was a viable option for the other student. I had to send him to the office, but my god did I laugh. Even his mom laughed before aplogizing. The principal still has the note in the office 2 years later.
We were doing sketch comedy in 6th grade a few years back and seeing as it was a nice day we went outside to practice. From across the field I see one of my students very clearly and aggressively trying to put his junk on a prone classmate. When I asked him, he said it was for his sketch and he was playing a character named “the iron teabag”.
The best was the follow up text from my boss saying “I had to Google what teabagging was before I met with the kid”
Kid dropped a folder full of xeroxed copies of his hairy ass. Turns out he had been taping them to people’s lockers all over school.
Can I tell you what I did instead of kicking a kid out? I was covering another teacher’s class in a computer lab and we have a program called Net Support that basically allows you to spy on all the kids’ computers. It also serves some legit instructional purposes like allowing you to take control of a kid’s computer so you can demonstrate things. Only this teacher never used it so I don’t think the kids knew it existed. I don’t normally use it because I don’t like the Big Brother vibe it gives off BUT there was a kid being a total obnoxious jerk. He was looking up stupid and distracting videos and laughing loudly about them and making obnoxious comments to show off in front of his friends. I could have blocked YouTube but instead I took control of his computer.
I started typing in “kitten videos” into YouTube. “My Little Ponies” anything I could think of that wouldn’t be cool to him or his friends. Then every time he started to freak out and insist he wasn’t doing it to his friends, I gave him control back. And then took it away again. Then finally I made a little pop up come up on his screen that said, “I’m watching you.” I expected him to figure out what was going on but I think he got freaked out instead. It never seemed to occur to him that it was me. So I gave him control back and he did his work quietly for the rest of the class.
I worked in a computer-based classroom at one point, where students took many of their classes online. Some tried to cheat the system by copying and pasting short phrases into all the fill-in-the-blank or essay responses, hoping it’d glitch and pass them through.
Quickly discovered one student had just been pasting “Homo Homo Homo” into all his responses, which backfired pretty well in one particular instance.
Q: Copy the words that apply to you
A: Homo Homo Homo
Kid walked into my room.
“Mr. Spodson, I got a joke you will love.”
“Is it school appropriate?”
“I think so, here it is: Why are Catholics glad Jesus was crucified and not stoned?”
“I don’t know, why?”
“Because now they do this,” he makes the sign of the cross. “Instead of this,” he starts punching himself randomly all over.
“OK, you have to go tell that one to Mr. (The Dean).”
Dean laughs his ass off too and sends him back to class. To this day it is my favorite joke.
Kid in boarding tried to cook a whole raw chicken with like 5 minutes in the microwave. A whole chicken.
Not a teacher, but a classmate in my Drafting class was sent to the dean for 3d rendering a massive dong. My teacher saw it, commended him for his work, and asked him to print it out. He then stapled it to a referral and sent him to the dean. Glorious.
A referral is bad in this case and we printed things in 2D back then and liked it!
“Mrs. B, I have a question. I think it might be a dumb question.”
“Sweetie, there’s no such thing as a dumb question.”
“My brothers told me this though. So there might be.”
“….fair. What is it?”
“Okay, so you know Michael Jackson right? He was like kinda old, so I think you’d know about him.”
“Yeah, hon, he was even a thing when my mom was a kid.”
“Wow. But yeah. So you’ve seen Thriller right, when they play it around Halloween?”
“Yeah, I love that video.”
“Okay, well my brothers told me that Michael Jackson was really a werewolf and a zombie, and I just wanted to ask: was he really a werewolf? Or a zombie?”
“I knew it. I knew Michael Jackson wasn’t a zombie. He still dead, and they’re full of shit.”
Several students head and gasped, otherwise I never even think I would have sent him to the office. I was about to die laughing. And he wasn’t wrong either! I knew his brothers, and they were both consistently full of shit.
I work IT at an elementary school. A kid informed the librarian they’re able to get around the YouTube education block by typing in HTTPS before youtube and showed her by playing this video with the speakers on full blast in front of the whole class:
So, this doesn’t quite fit the question, but I can’t tell this story without laughing so here it is:
I used to work in a super strict school for kids who got kicked out of their regular schools. We had an assembly twice a day, morning and afternoon, that was extremely serious. Kids had to sit up straight with their hands in their laps, girls on one side and boys on the other. Totally silent. That kind of thing. Occasionally when we were having behavior problems with entire groups we’d make them sit in assembly for the remainder of that period or however long until they could get it together.
There was a class (middle schoolers, naturally) who could NOT. STOP. FARTING. They’d intentionally fart as loud as they could just to be gross and disruptive, and it even evolved into them getting up out of their seats and farting on each other. This is hilarious to me now, but it got REALLY old (and really smelly). Anyway, one day, it was happening so much throughout each class that we took them to assembly. I’m standing in the front with the other teachers, and our principal was talking to them. Except he was PISSED. So he’s pacing back and forth, reaming these kids out, punching his fist into his hand, spit flying out of his mouth. His face is bright red. He’s saying all this stuff about respect, and then he adds in “oh, and if you have to FART….” and he yelled the word “fart” with such venom and disdain that I just LOST it right there in front of everyone. I could not stop laughing. I tried to play it off like a coughing fit or something but I couldn’t. I had to leave the room.
TL;DR: I taught middle schoolers but I have the maturity level of a middle schooler.
Not a teacher, but… We had an older lady as a Science substitute in 8th grade. It was a hot June day and the windows were open, we were on the second floor. My friend told the sub when she walked in the classroom that “Jimmy” had fallen out the window. When the sub looked out the window she saw “Jimmy” laying on the ground, contorted and she passed out. We never got a chance to explain to her that is was joke. He had just laid down on the sidewalk under the window. The two boys got suspended and that sub never came back.
Someone brought a pack of giant zip ties to school. Two boys (high school seniors) somehow managed to zip tie themselves together at the waist in the cafeteria.
Adminstrator grabbed them by the zip tie and dragged them all the way to his office across our large sprawling campus. They were both walking sideways taking tiny quick shuffle steps trying to keep up with him. The cafeteria went wild and students ran to the window to watch the administrator drag them up the hill and out of sight.
Edit: For everyone freaking out about it, it was all in good fun. The boys thought it was hilarious and were exaggerating and hamming it up as they left with the administrator (who was the Dean of Students). The administrator also thought it was hilarious and was only pretending to be stern with them. As soon as they got to the office, he cut them free, told them to smarten up, and sent them back to study hall (this happened during a study hall in the cafeteria, not during lunch).
Not a teacher, but… Saw a kid stand up in Russian class to do a speech on a topic of WWII russia. He decided to do a whole speech on why Hitler was “da greatest.”
Now, our teacher was born in Russia, grew up during the Soviet Union and came to Minnesota to teach. She was horrified. If you think that the United States hates Hitler and Nazis the most, you have not studied Russian in WWII. I was glad, because this knucklehead and his douchy friends ruined Russian class for four years.
I went to a small Catholic high school in the Seattle area. We had monthly mass in our gym, and every year around Easter we did the “stations of the cross.” Mass was always brutal, but the stations lasted two and a half hours or so. Unreal. A little background, I couldn’t burp until I was in my early 20’s. I have no clue why, but any built up gas had only one exit. Growing up, I farted to the point that people thought I had a medical condition. People even called me “fart boy.” Anyway, it was my senior year and we were headed to the dreaded stations of the cross mass. My friends and I had torn ass in class a number of times, but never during mass…we always talked about doing it, but never mustered the juevos. I had decided about a week before that this would be the day. The mass was set up where the choir would sing before each station (I think there were 11 or something), and then the priest would ramble on about its significance. Each time the choir stopped, there would be about 10 seconds of complete silence. We’re on the 5th station, and the choir is finishing “Were you there, when jesus something something…BRAAAAAAP” I unleashed a behemoth right as everything went silent. I was sitting on gym bleachers, which amplified the blast perfectly. I remember the guy if front of me was inexplicably holding a yellow plastic screwdriver…he dropped it. In shock or from the blast wave, we’ll never know. My buddy and I proceeded to muffle our laughter for at least an hour until mass ended. I’ve never tried to not laugh for that long before or since…each time one of us would start to settle down, the other would release a cackle that started the whole process over again. We didn’t even get in trouble! I’m not sure if the teachers thought it was an accident or never wanted to speak of it again. I am laughing right now…one of my favorite memories
And last but not least, my favorite one of the lot.
My dad worked as a teacher in a school for misguided youth, on the first day, he wrote his name on the board as new teachers do, and when he turned back toward the class, a kid had lit his desk on fire with hair spray and was just laughing. 3 foot high flame no more than a foot away from him.
Alright bros, if you’re a teacher and have stories that can top these I invite you to fill out the anonymous ‘TIP OFF’ form and we might include your story here in the future! Or if you’re a dude who has been kicked out class before you can hit us up down below in the comments with your best story! And to check out the rest of these stories you can click on over to AskReddit by following any of the links above!
FWIW, I mentioned ‘possibly NSFW’ in the headline because the thread on Reddit was marked as NSFW and I don’t want any commenters bitching about the nature of any of this content. I don’t personally think anything above is actually NSFW.
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