My Girlfriend Likes Threesomes, Where Can I Find Girls Who Are Down? I Cheated But I Don’t Want To Get Dumped?

by 4 years ago
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Q: Girlfriend of four years says she wants a break. Two days later she fucks someone else and says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. There’s no way this relationship can work, right?

A: Well not with that attitude it can’t.

Relationships are a two-way street; if you want it to work that’s all fine and dandy, but she has to want it too. From what it sounds like she doesn’t really seem to want it to work anymore, and you sound pretty “bleh” about everything too. In which case, bummer about your failed relationship, but congrats on being right! I love being right, and hopefully you do too and it’ll take the sting out of having your heart get broken at least a little bit.

Q: So I have a hard time speaking to ladies when I’m out and about. I’m just not confident. I always think, ‘I’ll go say hello,” but then never do because I don’t know what to talk about. I feel like if I just talk random shit like I do with my mates, I’ll sound like a weirdo. Any tips you could provide to ‘keep the conversation going’ or even to just seem interesting.

A: Literally just let them talk about themselves. Most chicks love talking about themselves or their lives or their friends, so just listen to whatever she says and come up with questions that apply. She’s talking about her job? Cool! Ask her how she got into that field. She says she hates some bitch “Cathy” in her bio lab? Cathy sucks, ask her why Cathy’s so awful and you’ll probably get an earful.

If the topic ever switches to your own life don’t panic, just make sure not to mention how you spent last weekend alternating between jerking off in your parents basement and playing Counterstrike on your laptop. Keep it to stuff she can relate to, like school and whatever else you find that the two of you have in common.

Q: So started texting this girl I met at work (see her 2-3 times a week for 10 minutes or so) and eventually asked her on a date. Got shot down. I continue texting her. We hung out briefly in person outside of work at a hockey game. Asked her out again. She changes her mind. 2 nights later she comes over to my place randomly after work. We hook up stopping short of sex. Half the time she is there she tells me about guys she texts and hangs out with as well as how much sex she has been having lately. Am I wrong to say that’s a 200 foot red flag?

A: Yeah that’s weird, most normal girls don’t talk about all the dudes they bone on the first “date.” She could’ve just been feeling awkward and didn’t know what to talk about, or she’s fucking nuts and just likes the splooge too much. I’d give it another chance and if she’s still inappropriately pervy then let it die.

Q: I have the greatest girlfriend ever, treats me well, is loyal and great in bed and the best part is likes to have other girls to play with us. Only problem is it’s hard to find other girls into that, any advice on where to look?

A: Craigslist, but you might also get murdered…which is sort of a bummer.

Why are you asking me when you can literally just Google “swingers clubs”? Are you really that lazy? It took me ~.5 seconds to type “swingers clubs” into Google and it gave me 1,550,000 results in .29 seconds, whereas I gave you 1 result in a week.

fdsa

 

Use Google. It is your friend.

Q: I cheated on my girlfriend by accident (black out drunk) and I don’t know if I should tell her or not because I love her and don’t want to hurt her, but every time I see her I feel like an asshole. What do I do?

A: You’ve got 2 options:

1. Keep it a secret and feel like an asshole whenever you see her because you are, indeed, an asshole.

2. Tell her and she might break up with you.

You’ve got to decide whether or not you can deal with the persistent guilt panging at you in the back of your head for the rest of your relationship. If you can, then by all means continue living a lie! If you can’t, then you should probably face the music and tell her. She might not dump you, after all…but then again she probably will. Both options suck, but that’s what you get for cheating on your girlfriend.

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