This Girl’s Confession That Her Boyfriend Won’t Stop Eating Her Poop Is Equal Parts Confusing And Hilarious
I am 22 years old and have been using the Internet since I was about 14, which means that I’ve been online for around 8 years now. In those 8 years of browsing 4chan, Ebaum’s World and everything in-between I have never come across a story about a girl stressed out over the fact that her boyfriend won’t stop eating her poop that is:
2. This fucking hysterical
Just the notion raises so many questions. Does she shit into his hand and then he goes to town? Or does she dump in the toilet and he fishes it out? Do the leftovers get flushed after he’s done, or put into a Ziploc baggie for later? So many questions not enough time, meaning I’ll just let you read and try to decide for yourself:
Up until a few months ago, my boyfriend and I had an awesome relationship. In fact it was perfect from my viewpoint. We share lots of interests, from simple ones like watching movies to loving to go out dancing at clubs. We also have great chemistry. We started out the relationship having sex probably twice a day for the first few weeks. It leveled off a little bit to about 3-4 times per week by the one year mark in our relationship. We are pretty outgoing in the bedroom and have tried toys, role playing, etc.
I’m not sure how this entered my boyfriend’s mind, but shortly after our one year anniversary he started mentioning that he thought it was sexy when I poop (??!!). At first I thought he was joking so I would just slap him and tell him to be quiet. I don’t like to talk about that stuff in general. But he kept it up and eventually I started to realize he was serious about this. He tried to convince me to poop in front of him for at least a month. I refused to do this. I am an adventurous person but this was just against my core beliefs. I’ve always been able to date very desirable boys throughout my life and I did NOT achieve that by performing my bodily functions around them.
The thing is, I really love my boyfriend, and after weeks of this I finally broke down and let him watch me poop. This opened a whole can of worms to the point where he was wanting to do this every time he came over. To make matters worse, I live in a roommate situation so it’s not exactly easy for him to follow me in and out of the bathroom in the morning without my roommate noticing some awkwardness. The upside is, we always had amazing sex right after this happens. So, I let it go on without too much resistance.
Here’s what’s now killing me. A few months ago, I agreed to let him taste it. Poop. I know how disgusting this must sound. He’s done it somewhere close to 10 times now. It’s nothing too extreme but he will take a little bite of it and kind of lick it like an ice cream or something. I know this is so gross, and I completely agree. I looked the first time out of curiosity but after that I just left the bathroom and let him do his business. I do not want to be physically present when this happens.
So here we are, still in a great relationship and having decent sex after a year and half, BUT… I am having a really hard time when we kiss now. I just can’t get the idea of him with poop in his mouth out of my mind, no matter what we do. I even started thinking his toothbrush is gross when it’s sitting by the sink over at his house. I still love him, and I want to give him what he wants, but now I feel like I am trapped. I tried to bring this up with him but he basically refused to talk about it. He said I wasn’t being understanding and was acting close-minded about the whole thing. I tried to bring it up a second time last week and he was visibly angry and we didn’t have sex at all until now.
Can I just put my foot down suddenly after months of this and refuse to let him come in the bathroom with me? Can I dial it back to him JUST watching me? I’m not sure how he would react. I don’t want to ruin this relationship or our sex life, but things can’t continue like this or I’m afraid I won’t be able to be intimate with him at all at some point.
Girl, here’s a piece of advice: there is no coming back from this. Your boyfriend has a poop fetish. This, unfortunately, will never change. You can either accept that he eats turds for lunch or break up with him, but now that you’ve opened the door you can’t go and close it. And besides – what the fuck is wrong with you? Where’s your spine? It’s YOUR poop and YOU’RE the one letting him eat it. Maybe do what normal people do and flush after you’ve gone before he gets a chance to swoop in and gobble it up.
People these days.