These Stories Of The ‘Greatest Shitshows Ever Witnessed’ Are Like The Hall Of Fame For Party Disasters

by 3 years ago

There’s no official definition for a ‘shit show’ because it’s one of those phrases that can be used in all sorts of situations. It can refer to a person or an event, and it can even be used in reference to a business or institution. Below are stories of the greatest shitshows ever witnessed, and they are fanfuckingtastic, but before we get to those I think it’s worthwhile to at least check out the unofficial definition of ‘shit show’ from Urban Dictionary: “A description of an event or situation which is characterized by an ridiculously inordinate amount of frenetic activity. Disorganization and chaos to an absurd degree. Often associated with extreme ineptitude/incompetence and or sudden and unexpected failure.”

Now that we’re clear on the definition let’s get to reading stories of the ‘greatest shitshows ever witnessed’ because these are next level.

One of my brother’s had a shitstorm (shitshow) of a wedding:
— announced they were pregnant right before the ceremony (stealing their own thunder)
— had it outdoors at this strange country club place (I don’t know how to describe what it was) but they did not seem to understand how to do a wedding
— it was windy, they had the ceremony outside, chairs and other things blew away.
— they invited around 100 people, they had around half the people not bother to show up after RSVPing.
— the dessert(s) (besides the wedding cake) never showed up (which worked out i guess with the number of people who were missing)
— he asked me to give a speech (like just called me up to say a few words without any warning), after telling me my daughter wasn’t allowed at the wedding because it was “no children” which I might have understood had they not allowed the maid of honour and the brides sister to each bring their children as exceptions (one a new born, one a few months older than my daughter)
— turned out i wasn’t the only one asked to give a speech without being warned
— my other brother gave an epic speech he just said “I’m a cop, and if your relationship was a car on the highway, i’d give you a speeding ticket and say slow down cause you’re going too fucking fast.” and then he sat back down.
— They were divorced before they made it to 1 year.

In high school, my buddy drank too much while we were at our local pool (late night, hopped the 10 foot fence to get in). So another friend and I had to hoist him over a fence and carry him about a mile home. We finally get him home and immediately his dad comes out to the front yard and rips into him. So in the middle of apologizing and pleading with his dad he drops his pants and starts shitting all over the yard. For about 10 minutes he doesn’t stop apologizing, doesn’t stop shitting.
If that’s not a shit show then I don’t know what is.

We had a tequila night at my friends lake house, and needless to say, all five of us hot got hammered. Well as I was coming out of my blackout holding a door I ripped off the wall to the bathroom, I noticed everyone drinking out of the sink, desperate to sober up. I was too drunk to make it over to the sink so I just sat down and passed out. When I woke up, literally everyone was projectile vomiting. Turns out the tap drew from the gnarly lake water. I just remember looking around part hungover, part drunk, part dead, at everyone looking like that scene from the exorcist and just thinking, “fuck.” and passing out.

My neighbor is a very loud, obnoxious piece of white trash. She wears pants that look like they were made for skinny people, but she is quite heavyset. It’s disgusting. Anyways, she liked to take her very vocal, and very childish fights with her boyfriend outside. And when I say fights, I actually mean tantrums. I’ve seen two year olds with better composure than her. Why they preferred to fight outside is beyond me, I mean I live in Oregon, it’s not nice out. After a period of two months straight of them coming out at 6am sharp and having a screaming match (to the point of her losing her voice), us neighbors finally had it. My girlfriend at the time opened the window and just started yelling for her to stfu, and my other neighbors eventually joined in so there were about four people yelling for her to shut the hell up.
Well, this was absolutely an assault from us neighbors on her freedom, so she stripped down naked, got in her car and drove as fast as she could into our little cul de sac, which had an entrance opposite of where her house sat adjacent to ours. As soon as she got to the end, she skidded to a halt, jumped out, and started screaming, “I NEED TO TALK TO THE MANAGER!!” and freaking began beating on everyone’s doors like she was going to fight them. My next door neighbor came out to confront her, but she just wanted to fight in the middle of the street butt ass naked. Cops were called and it turned out she had been abusing her prescription to Fentanyl. No surprise there as the craziest episode of Intervention I’ve ever seen involved Fentanyl.
Cops basically told us to call them every time she freaks out, but all they could do was log it. She never went on for more than the response time of the cops (save for a few times), but it was long enough that nobody was getting any sleep in the mornings. Imagine being woken up by a 20-something woman screaming like she has demons posessing her, it’s the worst. Craziest thing? She has a kid now, and I hear her jumping up and down yelling at that poor baby to do what she says. By that I mean hearing the stomping and screaming through her house, across two yards and a fence, and through my closed window.

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