If you can’t do a keg stand, then don’t do a keg stand. No one wants to have to take care of their sloppy AF friend for the rest of the night just because you’re too goddamn stubborn to turn down a “double dare” with a keg stand, and no one, I mean NO ONE, wants to clean up your vomit. Not your mom, not your friends, not your pet rock who you accidentally got some splashback on – zero people.
So for the love of god, if you’re bad at drinking and know you’re prone to being the sloppiest guy at the party, put the beer down and go hide in the corner. It’s where you belong.