Guy With The World’s First Bionic Penis Had Erection For 2 Weeks, Still Hasn’t Lost Virginity, Sounds Like A Failure
You’d think that the first thing Mohammed Abad did after having his dick ripped off in a freak car accident at the age of 6, then getting a new bionic 8-inch dick attached years later would be to go and hire a prostitute so he could finally drop his V-card down the paper shredder. Obviously from the title, he still hasn’t done that. Instead, he sat around for 2 weeks with a boner that wouldn’t go away, which sounds sort-of-maybe fun for maybe like 45 minutes but anytime after that? I’m sure sticking your new dick through donuts (like what else would he have been doing with it if not having sex) gets old fast, but the poor guy was stuck with it:
‘I got out of hospital on the 10th of July and got a train back up to Scotland. I had to keep it erect for two weeks,’ he told presenters Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby.
‘I had to do that for it to heal, because that’s the way it works.
‘I managed to do something to not get noticed.’(via)
Read: I sat at home and ate Cheetos off my chest for 2 weeks. When I ran out of Cheetos, I ordered pizza and had the delivery guy leave it on the porch and handed him money through the mail slot.
As for when exactly Abad plans on getting laid, well, it doesn’t appear to be anytime soon:
Last month Mr Abad announced he is single, after his wife left him last year before he had the bionic penis fitted.
This was due to the fact she became tired of waiting for him to solve his affliction so they could make love and have children, he claims.
He revealed he kept the fact he had no penis or testicle a secret from his wife until their wedding night.
The pair wed two years ago but she only found out about his absence of manhood on their first night as a married couple.
Now, Mr Abad says he will be honest with women in future.
…Concluding the interview, Mr Abad said he was looking forward to losing his virginity and finding love.
‘I feel brilliant,’ he said. ‘I’m still a virgin but I’m working on that you know.’(via)
I dunno dude, the best way to get laid is to lie, and considering you’re like 40 and still a virgin and at least don’t APPEAR to be as charming as Steve Carrell, I’d say lie. Lie like you’ve never lied before, go out into the pussy ocean and cast your net…or nab a hooker. Either or.
[H/T Daily Mail]