People Shared The Most Blatantly Obvious Sexual Advances They Didn’t Pick Up On And WOW, OPEN YOUR EYES

by 1 year ago

For some bros, the ability to pick up sexually inviting signals from women comes as easily as breathing. It’s that innate understanding of when ladies are sending signals that makes the difference between dudes losing their V-cards early on and dudes struggling to get laid for the first time during or after college.

Below, a whole bunch of people who fall into the latter category share stories of someone from the opposite sex sending painfully obvious signals, sexual hints that they never picked up on until after the fact (via AskReddit):


JuanPRamirez:
“I got some new lingerie. May I model it for you” this was in high school in my house when everyone else was gone for the day. She also showed me how she accidentally brought a condom over in her bag.


photonicphacet:
I took this girl on date. I went to her dorm to pick her up all excited…
Her: I am just going to take a quick shower before we go out. Wanna join me.
Me: No thanks. I just took a shower before I came over here.


littlescatterbrain:
Sitting on my bed with her. “So what do you want to do?” She says, looking over at me
“Do you wanna see my guinea pigs?” I reply, killing the mood faster than you can say erection.


camerondnls2:
A girl left her dildo on her bed when I went in her room and told me how she was tired of it and looking for something better. I then proceeded to pull up dildos on my phone and goddammit I’m an idiot.


BlueStateBoy:
I was neither young or naive. I was exhausted.
I was finishing up several weeks of trade shows and conventions. I spent most of that time flirting with a female sales rep on the same circuit. On the last night, I was worn out. I set the safety latch to hold door open while I got some ice. When I came back she was laying nekkid on my bed. I politely told her she was in the wrong room.
“No, this is the right room.”
I looked around, “No this is my room, yours is next door.” She got up, grabbed her towel and left. Then I poured the ice into my cooler, grabbed a beer and “OH FUUUUU….


Abadatha:
Girl I was seeing casually, but had made my interest clear. She was, however, way out of my league. That said, we were on the couch watching a documentary she put on and put her head in my lap. It was nice, so I put my hand on her hip. She moved her hips so my hand slid into her crotch. I calmly put my hand back on her hip… Twice. About two weeks later it occurred to me what was happening.

Some advice for this bro: never let yourself decide when a girl is out of your league. That’s always on the girl, you need to be shooting for the stars for the rest of your damn life.


trophyscars:
A girl I knew from back in middle school hit me up one day. She kept sending revealing photos of her and her friend and kept telling me I should come over and “hangout.” I’m talking like both of them in their underwear, covering each other’s boobies type shit. But this was around the time modern warfare 2 came out, so I decided to do that instead.
tl;dr I gave up a chance to lose my virginity in a threesome to play modern warfare 2


MajorMustard:
“It would be weird if I lost my virginity to you….. wouldn’t it? ” – beautiful girl I had been infatuated with for years.
Whenever I recall this moment I get such a powerful lump in my throat it feels as if all of the things I could have said are trying to force their way out.


Manuval:
SHE: “If you want sex just ask.”

ME: “….”


LeodFitz:
“Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”
Not sure how I managed to misinterpret that, but I did.


tdasnowman:
I have many of these, on mobile so can’t link to the original post but one of my worst. Got what I did not realize was a booty call. Friend of a friend type deal, we’d only ever hung out at events where our to peer groups happened to meet up, honestly didn’t even know she had my number. She calls me late one night says she’s got a paper due the next morning and her laptop just died. Wanted to know if I could come over and help. I’m thinking poor girl must have gone trough everyone else before calling me and head over. I get there and she’s in boy shorts and a wife beat, I’m thinking this must be what she lounges in. Sit down at the laptop and promptly discover a virus. She was not expecting this. Take me a good hour to fix everything, I thanked for the opportunity it was a new virus so it was interesting, I was also embarrassed it took me so long and bounced.


Clueless girl.

Iwouldthrowmeaway:
Him: Want to be more than friends? Me: Like best friends? (with the biggest, dumbest grin.)
Him: If I ever wanted a SO, I’d give them this metal wire heart. hands me object Me: Aww, I’m sure you’ll find a great girl one day!


biggiefoxie:
Was friends with this girl in college. We were hanging out at her apartment before some event. She went in her bedroom to change and after a couple of minutes asked if I could come in and help her with something.
I go in her room and she’s standing there. Naked. She asked me if I thought she had a nice body. I laughed and said yes. Then I told her she had to stop joking around or we would be late.


redgoesfaster:
My best friend in high school randomly started playing with my dick during a movie just wondering what she would have to do to make it hard. I laughed at her and kept watching the extremely enthralling American Pie movie. Fuck I was a moron.


WhenImInMyMode:
I wore a black/yellow shirt to school one day. The girl who sat next to me said “that’s a nice shirt.” “Thanks”, I replied. She says “it would look really good on my floor.” To which I had to think a second and said, “do you have a black and yellow floor or something?”
Also, while on a tinder date, she offers to walk me to my car. I asked her how she got there and she said Uber. We get all the way to my car and she was standing right by my passenger door and I say “so you want to get your Uber now or…?” I was genuinely being nice and offering to wait for her ride so she wasn’t waiting alone. I had no clue she was trying to get me to take her home or to her place.


l_am_Jacks_colon:
A girl lost her bra in my room. I went in and found it in my bed and gave it back to her.


anxiousabtnothing:
“man, it’s been ages since I’ve hooked up with anyone…”
“oh no, that sucks!”


Jurj_Clooners_:
I’m English, and I was in a bar in Madison, WI. Spent the afternoon sitting at the bar whilst waiting for a friend, having some beers and talking to a super hot, friendly waitress.
After a few hours, and toward the end of her shift, She got to talking about her close by apartment which had a very secluded roof terrace which you could do ‘anything on without being seen’ (or something along those lines).
I remember replying by saying ‘ooh that sounds lovely, you’re very lucky’. I’m really not sure if it was an advance or she was just genuinely telling me about her nice apartment, but I think about it a lot – she was hot.


TrianglesBoi:
“You wanna come in for coffee?”
“No thanks”
Damn it.


FORTY8pak:
“Do you want to head to bed soon?”
“One bed is fine for the hotel, right?”
“I don’t want you on the couch, you can come get in bed.”
“Is there anything else you wanted to do?”
“Hey…[5 minutes later]……[five more minutes]…daddy.”


deathpool22:
A friend of mine was walking with one of the hottest girls we know to get a textbook from a different class or something. She goes
“I’m really cold”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cold out”
“I mean I’m cold because I’m wearing nothing under this shirt. Nothing.”
“Haha I’m not cold I’m wearing a jacket”


herpityderpdoo:
I have two.
The first one was after a party that had ended up in a water fight. One of the girls I was friends with had gotten soaked and went downstairs to change out of her shirt. I didn’t realize she was there, and I went down to hang up my shirt. I get there and she’s exactly putting on a replacement shirt her friend had given her. I make some comment like “damn, I’m too late.” She smiles at me, and takes off her shirt. I give her a thumbs up and walk back upstairs.
The other one was with this girl I met while backpacking in Europe. I was in a small hostel in Slovenia and had met this pretty blonde. We hit it off smashingly, and spent the next few days hanging out intermittently. There was definitely some sexual tension, but she had a boyfriend and, besides, we were in a hostel with a third person so sex would’ve been difficult. On the last night we spent together, we talked for hours before heading back to the room. Except the third person had checked out, and it was just us two. I go to my bunk and she goes to the third bed. We chat a bit and I mention how I hate bunk beds. She says “oh… you should come sleep here…” and I thought she was just being nice to me and offering up a bed. I refused, saying that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep sharing such a small bed.
I am not a smart man.


BlatantConservative:
Me in high school. Girl Id been talking to for a bit and I were at a party, sitting outside on a trampoline alone at night.
Girl: “Im cold”
Me: gives her my gloves
Girl: “Im still cold”
Me: gives her my hoodie
Girl: “Thanks, we can share the heat”
Girl: sits in my lap (we end up kind of laying down against the net)
We talk for a bit. She’s giggling and her head is against my chest (Impressive cause Im really short). I have my hands behind my head looking up at the sky because Im still in “Im not sure what she’s thinking dont want to weird her out by suddenly touching her” mode.
A friend of mine walks out of the house and hells “Hey BC are you out there”
I yell back “Yeah Amy and I are just talking”
He walks over, sees us, and goes inside to get a drink. I follow him, asking Amy if she wants a drink too. When I get to the drinks table, by friend is like “dude, you’re retarded”
She wasn’t there when I got back.


MinerOfStarDust:
In highschool a group of us all went to a lake and had a bit of a party. One girl, I had only talked to once before, kept talking to me the whole time. I was happy to talk to her and she kept asking odd questions like
“How should I warm up?” and “MinerOfStarDust, you can’t see through this shirt, can you?”
I was oblivious to what was happening, even after she asked me to give her a ride home and I mentioned she had got a ride from her friend… ya.
I did end up giving her a ride home. She invited me in and said “I’m going to get into something dry.” and went into the bathroom. About 2 minutes go by and she says she forgot a towel and asks me to get her one, so I do. she opens the door wearing just her bra and panties and thanks me, then just stands there with her the towel to her side…. and I go back to the living room.
I’m suprized it didn’t end there.
She did eventually yell for me from her room to come there. When I did she was naked and standing next to the bed.
She threw her hands up and said “Do you understand now?!?” it only took me about 10 seconds to figure it out…
God, I was an idiot that day.


ChesterTheContester:
I was 18 and at the time, it had just finished snowing where I lived. Got dressed up in my winter gear and headed outside to explore my neighbor hood a little after midnight. I was was about 3 blocks from my house and two girls that I knew from high school approach me holding/drinking a bottle of wine. They asked me what I was doing outside and I told them, and then they proceeded to invite me to their house and they kept telling me that their parents were gone, I fed them some bullshit excuse that I had to be back home.
Hindsight is 20/20, but even if it was just an invitation to drink with some pretty girls at the time. I still should’ve taken it. Meh.


Alienface:
I just had a somewhat related thing happening:
So I’m german and traveling through Australia right now. I took a train ride from Sydney heading west on my own and start looking for a seat and found a place right next to this hot redhead, who is speaking on her phone, and as chance will have it she speaks german, too. So I think that’s perfect to strike up a conversation later.
I guess she didn’t think anyone could understand her, because she tells her friend on the phone how she wants sex and how she needs a man since it has been so long. She just wanted the D!
A lot of ways to go from there, right? So what did I do?
If you guessed that I spent the next 90 minutes train ride with my nose buried in my book, thinking about how to best start the conversation you are completely right!


asdhfkkl:
“Have you ever tried anal?” (After we’d already been having sex for 10 minutes or so).
I had not, and my nervous awkward brain decided to fuck around with me by making me tell her that I wasn’t cool with having something in my anus. My anus. I apologize for any of your foreheads that are now injured from desk impact.
At no time in the subsequent 12-13 years (32 now) have I been in a situation where I have been offered anal sex by a woman. It’s very high on my sexual bucket list, yet I’m married to a woman who refuses to ever try it.
Oh well!


ANeonBlueDecember:
Walking home with a girl and she says to me that she thought she would have lost her virginity by now.
She says, “I guess I just need someone cool who I can experiment with.”
I nod my head, “yeah.”
She looks at me, “You’re pretty cool.”
I didn’t make the connection right away. I thought she was just giving me a compliment. About 20 minutes later,sitting in my dorm room, after we had parted ways I realized what she meant. No sex was had.


Well, bros, that wraps up the coverage from my end but if you want to keep on reading these AskReddit stories you can CLICK HERE to see that thread in full!

Between these two spectrums of ‘totally clued in’ and ‘painfully unaware’ I’d say that I probably sat somewhere in the middle early on in life. I can think of a few instances in hindsight where she was laying it on thick, but I didn’t have a fucking clue. I’d like to hope that my eyes are open these days but I guess you never know.


TAGSAskRedditBlunder Yearscluelesshookup storiesSexual Advances

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