This Kid Sobbing Like A Lil Bitch After Falling Off His Skateboard Is More Proof We’re Raising A Generation Of Losers

by 4 years ago

My dad would have put me up for adoption if I acted like this. He’d probably leave me on the doorstep of the Church with a sign that says “Free.” I’m only half kidding.

It really sucks that we have troops fighting valiantly overseas to the benefit of this soft-ass generation. Listen, I’m no tough guy man’s-man–it took me seven hours to put together an IKEA coffee table–but this kid thought this reaction was okay because society has coddled him into believing that sobbing from a little tumble is acceptable. Rub some dirt on it, bro, you’re embarrassing this nation.

There are no winners and losers anymore, the days of roughing someone up on a slant route at recess football is now called “bullying,” and kids in the Little League World Series are congratulating their opponents on hitting home runs while they round the bases. Call me bitter, call me pessimistic, call me insensitive, but when I become a parent, my kid isn’t getting a hot dog after the game if he doesn’t have dirt on his uniform. You don’t like it? Bitch about it on Twitter.

“Do you want to do something gay to the rock–like pee on it?”

I’m officially moving to the moon. Love you, mom.