This Story Of A Kid Who Accidentally Flashed A Security Guard His Boner At School Makes Me Almost Wish I Had A Vagina

by 4 years ago


Boners are awkward outside of the bedroom. They pop up outta nowhere at the most inconvenient times, like when you’re giving a best man speech in front of 150 people at a wedding, or when you’re meeting your girlfriend’s Dad for the first time at the beach and you just got out of the ocean and you go to shake his hand while pitching a tent.

…maybe that sort of shit only happens to me though.

But you get the point that boners aren’t always advantageous. Case in point? Poor Reddit user kurtcobain94 who wound up flashing the security guard at his school because he positioned his boner incorrectly. Whoops.

Today, I fucked up bad. It’s just a normal Wednesday morning, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to get ready and catch the bus. I get up, shower, brush my teeth, and go to the end of my drive way.

I get on the bus, and like I normally do, I take my jacket off and cover myself up with it, but also fold on of the sleeves and use it as a pillow as I lie against the bus window. My bus ride is 2 hours long. I drift off to sleep, and in no time, we are at school.

Shouldn’t have slept. Whilst I was asleep, I managed to get a huge erection for no apparent reason. So I do what I normally do, I pull it up so it is lying on my tummy and my belt is holding it in place. It is useful because it doesn’t stick out as isn’t noticeable as long as I have a shirt on.

Please keep in mind, I go to an alternative school. We get metal detected by a cop every morning. I walk into the school, still having this massive boner. I walk up to get searched, and I had no metal items on me so I wasn’t scared or nervous of anything. But I forgot. MY FUCKING BELT HAS METAL ON THE FRONT. He takes the wand over my belt (because that is a usual place for people to hide weapons) and then it beeps. He pulls up my shirt, and sees about an inch of my dick sticking out, looking him right in the eyes. He quickly threw my shirt back down and let me go on without searching me anymore.

Fuck my life.

Lesson learned: never get a boner and go through a metal detector with a belt. Or maybe don’t go to a school with a metal detector and security guards. Or maybe don’t get boners. Ever.


[H/T Reddit, header image via Shutterstock]