Lindsay Lohan Thinks J.K. Rowling Will Help Her Write a Book About All the Celebs She’s Banged
Filed to: Fuck yes, oh fucking yes, please dear fucking Lord allow this to happen, please, please, please, please, please.
Celebrity fucker extraordinaire celebrity Lindsay Lohan wants to write a tell-all book. In fact, per Radar Online, she has been meeting with MAJOR publishers about an autobiography.
“The stories she promised the literary agents made their jaws drop.” [says a source]
Yes. Who wouldn’t read a book which covers intimately the times she had sex with Ashton Kutcher and Ryan Phillippe and Joaquin Phoenix and Benicio Del Toro and Wilmer Valderrama and Zac Efron and Orlando Bloom and Justin Timberlake and Colin Farrell and Heath Ledger and James Franco and everyone else?
But, there’s one hitch in this fucking giddy up. Lindsay Lohan is (probably) functionally illiterate. And when LiLo needs a ghostwriter, she ain’t a fuck no settle for some cowboy pop, dime store gumshoe, single-platform vlogger.
(I, too, am functionally illiterate.)
She wants J.K. Rowling. Who, as a quick refresher, is the billionaire author behind the Harry Potter franchise. Says a source to Radar.
“It may seem unlikely, but she thinks she’s in with a shot of getting (Fifty Shades of Grey) E.L. James to work on it — they met recently at the Chiltern Firehouse and got on well. Another pie in the sky idea was that she might persuade J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter) to work with her.”
Well. I will die.
[H/T Death and Taxes]