This Man Reportedly Had Drunk Sex With a Picnic Table…and Also an ATM


This is Lonnie Hutton. He is a 49-year-old man…with an affinity to do odd things while under the influence. On Friday night, Hutton walked into a bar in Murfreeeboro Tennessee, approached the ATM and then magic happened…

According to WKRN:

He pulled down his pants and underwear, exposing his genitals, and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM, the report stated.

Responding officers found Hutton, still nude from the waist down, walking around the bar, thrusting his hips in the air.

Officers took Hutton outside and told him to sit at a wooden picnic table.

The report stated he “exposed himself again and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table.”

Having been a single man before, I understand our gender’s endless pursuit to cum, especially when we’re drunk. But every pile of sand needs a line drawn in it, and fucking objects in public crosses every line in every pile of sand ever.

Follow J. Camm on Twitter —>

[H/T: Gawker]