This Naval Officer Is PISSED That One Of His Sailors Is Jacking Off In People’s Towels (w/Audio)

shutterstock_106303022

Thanks to the action of someone else’s hands, this naval officer has an interesting predicament on his. Someone in his group of 80 sailors has been cumming into other people’s towels. According to the officer, it’s happened at least four times that he knows about. That’s right, someone he is responsible for is habitually jerking off into towels. And he’s fucking furious over it. He seeks to provide an ejaculate-free living environment for his guys. Not a place where they have to worry about drying off with a crusty, jizzy mess of a towel after every shower. I think that’s fair. I think we all want that for ourselves and loved ones.

Get the fuckin’ word out, the next time I hear somebody jackin’ off in someone’s towel; cuz it’s happening, it’s happening a lot. And I’m fuckin’ fed up with it. And I will go fuckin’ high and right on this shit.”

The officer’s second-in-command even got in on the JackOffGate lecture by offering some really stellar advice on how one would know if their towel had a load blown into it.

“You’re probably asking yourself how do you know someone is getting their towel jacked off in? I have a fuckin towel, unless a elephant sneezed in the fucker, it’s cum, it’s jack-off. Somebody fucking jacked off in somebody else’s shit.”

I mean…couldn’t have phrased that better myself.

[H/T Mentality Mag, Image via spirit of america / Shutterstock.com]

BroBible Newsletter - The best sports and culture news directly to your inbox

* indicates required