The Northeast Is About To Get Fucking Fucked Up By A Snowstorm

by 4 years ago

National Weather Service

Compared to last year’s onslaught of snowstorm after snowstorm after snowstorm, this year’s winter has been both temperate and mild. Which is such crap if you ask me. If we are going to winter, and the axial tilt of this planet say we have to winter each and every year, give me a real fucking winter. None of this pussy shit. Kinda cold is boring. Give me snowstorms so large they shutdown society for months.

Which, hey, we Northeasterners might be getting just that tomorrow. A bitchin’ blizzard is a comin’. From the Capital Weather Gang, which is already calling Winter Storm Juno potentially historic:

Forecasters in Boston are calling it a “text book case” for a New England blizzard. And residents from Philadelphia to New York are being advised to change their travel plans for the blockbuster winter storm that will impact the Northeast on Monday and Tuesday.​

Model forecasts are suggesting that a winter storm that will track up the Northeast coast on Monday night into early Wednesday morning could drop as much as 25 inches of snow along the country’s busiest and most populous Northeast corridor.

New York City could see 20 inches of snow when all is said and done. Snow totals in Boston could rival the snowiest storm the city has ever seen: 27.6 inches on Feb. 17-18, 2003.

BAM MOTHERFUCKERS. That’s what I call a snow storm. Not one inch, not four inches. Twenty. Fucking 20. Aces. What’s the cause? Well, aside from a big ass snow storm? Per The Vane, it’s an Alberta Clipper:

The last in a series of Alberta Clippers is making its way across the Midwest this afternoon; the system will produce several inches of snow along the way, potentially culminating in another commute nightmare in the Washington D.C. area on Monday morning.

As the clipper scoots over the Atlantic Ocean, it will come under the influence of a deep trough and powerful jet stream, rapidly developing into a formidable nor’easter. If it plays out the way the models are showing, this will be a classic nor’easter that will grind travel to a halt for several days, close schools for the week in spots, and go down in local folklore as the Blizzard of 2015.

Dope. But we have to ask: what about the chance this all fizzles out and we get dick fuck rain? How about no? Back to the CWG.

This storm’s worst-case scenario seems to have higher chances of playing out than we typically see.

Yea. It’s happening. Let’s fucking do this.

TAGSblizzardsSnowsnow stormsthe weather