This Guy Wore An Oculus Rift To Masturbate And Accidentally Jerked Off In Front Of His Girlfriend
For the uninitiated, the Oculus Rift is a virtual reality headset. I don’t have to explain further than that, do I? I do? God sometimes I hate this job.
Basically all you do is put on the Oculus Rift headset and it’s like you’re in whatever environment you program into it. So for example if you’re really horny and want to feel like you’re in 18th century England getting your dick sucked by some wench in a tea shop, that’s definitely doable. Just throw on the headset and start jerkin’ away! But since your eyesight is obscured, make sure that there’s no one around who could possibly walk in on you masturbating. That’d be embarrassing, wouldn’t it!
Well Reddit user bestnerd found that out the hard way.
It was a cool and sunny day in Colorado as I came home this afternoon. I worked on the car for an hour or so and came inside to notice half a joint a friend of mine had left over the night before. Ah, what the heck I thought (I should also mention I have not smoked in almost 10 years but everyone says I should bc of a medical condition that I have).
ANYWAY, I grabbed a match, lit it up, took a few hits, made some left over spaghetti and meatballs, and then got into the shower. Best shower I have taken EVER. Getting out of the shower, I saw my phone had rang and was left with a text message by my girlfriend that she won’t be here for another hour since she was getting pizza with a friend of hers.
I stepped out of the bathroom only in a towel and noticed a small window on the bottom of my desktop monitor notifying me that 70gigs of VR porn had finished downloading. The Oculus even happened to be connected and was sitting on my desk as if it were gently placed there by fate and whispered softly to me “Hey, we are alone now. How about a quickie? No one has to know.”
How could I resist? I dropped my towel and loaded up the first POV video I could find and before I knew it a hot European 10 was going down on me in some tea joint of all places! I’m getting a blowjob in public this is CRAZY OMG!! (I am really f*cking high at this point).
I flick the dial on my sound bar nice and high to really get a feel for the experience as a whole and then start masturbating furiously. At this time the oculus is shaking on my face violently distorting my vision completely as I come closer to climax and then BAM! I blow my load all over the place and I can’t even see where its going but I don’t even care! I slump into my chair in total relaxation and remove the oculus from my face.
Sitting next to me is my girlfriend staring directly into my face eating her slice of pizza making a face which can only be described by this gif:
In complete terror I projectile vomit the spaghetti and meatballs all over my naked body. I get up and walk shamefully into the shower covered in my own vomit and semen without saying a word. The shower felt really good on weed again though.
While in the kitchen my girlfriend approached me and asked who the f*ck King John was. In my panicked and frantic original post I forgot to mention that the environment had a real Renaissance Faire kinda vibe to it. While under the affects of the marijuana I began to imagine I was having an affair with the Tea wench and said “how do you like King John’s fat dick?” as she looked into my eyes just before I came.
Upon further review the European 10 is really more like a European 3 with a little bit of down syndrome. Or whatever it is that makes midgets heads look so weird.
tl;dr: lock the door when you’re jerking off.