People’s Shared Their Best One Night Stand Stories And That Dude’s Stalker Dildo Story Is Next Level
Tinder has led to an astronomical rise in the number of one-night stands. Below a bunch of people shared their best hilarious and/or awkward one night stand story, and the reason I called out Tinder in the first sentence is because the first story of the group involves this dude meeting a chick on Tinder and things going South very, very quickly. It involves parent’s sex toys, a co-worker’s sister, and a threatening stalker message. It’s really got it all. Make sure to keep scrolling after that story though because there’s a shit ton of these and they’re all equally amazing (the last story about the pitfalls of butt stuff is actually my favorite).
Went on a date, had a fun time, had sex in a public park in the city, went back to her’s, had sex again, asked where the bathroom was, went to the bathroom, accidentally went into the wrong room, found her parents sex toy stash in the corner of the room, went home, got up in the morning, told a mate at work what happened, he told another guy at work, turns out it was his sister I had sex with and his parents stuff I had caught, he wasn’t happy, he approached me and threatened me, I told my boss what he did, he got fired, went home from work, found a box at my doorstep, took it inside and opened it, there’s a letter (cool), open the letter, it says “we’re watching you” in capital letters, looked inside the box, found Gwyneth Paltrow’s head a pink dildo with my name carved into the side, won’t be dating on Tinder for a bit.
This was about a decade ago and I was in my mid-twenties. I think her name was Amanda but I could be totally wrong on that. I can’t remember where we met or how we started making out but like magic, we were. She was thin and had nice curly dark hair and she was unapologeticaly wearing a fur coat. We made it back to my apartment and we proceeded to do all the filthy things that you would want to live out in a one night stand. Oh, the majesty of the chance encounter where you can embody a porn star, go by a different name, work in a field different than your own, lie about every aspect of your life and feel damn good about yourself. You are willing to go beyond your typical repertoire because there is simply no judgment. I tossed her around into all the different positions that I could imagine and we just genuinely enjoyed our awesome fuck session. When it was over, I made the mistake of trying to go again but a lot of whisky had been drank that night and I was writing checks that my body couldn’t cash. Needless to say, the spark was gone. About halfway through my attempt at a round two, she suggested that we take a break and go outside and have a cigarette. My god I was thankful. I quickly threw on a pair of pants and a jacket and by the time I got to the door, she was just wearing her fur coat (no pun intended) she didn’t have her skirt or underwear, just her fur coat and everything else was naked, it was kind of sexy. Anyway, we get out to my balcony and she starts telling me that she forgot her cigarettes. I offer her one of mine and she was like “no way, those are menthols” and I was like “cool, I’ll go find yours”. I go back into the house for a few minutes looking for her pack but can’t find them or her purse. I then go back out to ask her where she could have left them when I see it. She climbed down my fire escape to the ground level and was running across the street completely naked (except for her coat), without shoes or anything in the middle of winter. She hails a taxi and gets the fuck out of there. I never saw her again after that. She left her clothes and shoes in my apartment. She had her purse the whole time. As I was watching her naked ass run down the sidewalk I remember wondering if it was because I was that bad of a lay. But then it dawned on me….I don’t give a shit.
Don’t get me wrong, these stories are good, but the last one (down below) is my favorite.
I was in a bar, having a beer and this girl starts talking to me. She seems OK, but the bar is dark. Hard to tell. She asks me if I want to go out to her truck and smoke a joint. I say “yes.”
When we wander out of the bar, the bright lights outside illuminate her face in a disturbing way. I ignore what I am seeing. She says, “so where is your car?”
I say, “I thought we were going to your truck?” She says, “No, we are going to your car.”
OK. I can deal with this.
We get to my car, and she says “Where is the joint?” I say, “I thought you had a joint.” She says, “No. Take me home.”
OK. I can deal with this.
So, I start driving her home. As I am driving, she starts rambling, “you can fuck me. you can screw me. you can do anything you want to me.”
OK. Maybe I can deal with this.
As we approach her apartment she says “I sure hope my boyfriend isn’t home.”
Oh, fuck. Can I deal with this?
She points to a convenience store and says “Pull in there. And go buy me a 12 pack of beer.” I say, “I’m not buying you a 12 pack.” So, she gets out of the car to buy beer.
I definitely cannot deal with this, slam the car into reverse, and race off into the night.
I didn’t go back to that bar for a year.