An Open Letter to Tiger Woods from Paul Rabil

by 9 years ago

Editor's Note: This is the latest installment of a new recurring column on by lacrosse superstar Paul Rabil. Check out Paul on the web at and I want to preface my next few paragraphs of anger towards Tiger Woods by telling you that in no way do I tolerate or condone a man cheating on his wife and family. Not good. And yes, despite Tiger being the most prolific golfer of all time, the most recognized athlete internationally, and the highest paid athlete in endorsements ONLY ($86 million/year), this is unacceptable for any man out there, including Joe the Plumber. I feel bad for his wife and family, but am confident that Tiger will come out of this situation strong and back on the cover of Golf Digest.


For those who disagree with me, or feel indifferent for that matter, in good comedic taste, here's how any logical human being in Tiger's golf slacks would've (should've) dealt with this situation.

Dear Tiger, Let's make something clear. What you did was wrong, but what is done is done, and there is ZERO chance you should've been blasted by Tabloid Central due to the amount of money that you have to take care of things like this. And no, I'm not talking about bribery or blackmail. I'm talking pure technology, i.e. your BlackBerry. 1. Tiger shouldn't have a phone. He should have a full-time friend/poser/PR guy handling all of his non-familial contacts. Heck, all the big stars do… My buddy used to ball-boy for the Wizards back in high school and would consistently be grabbed by the visiting team's star players to grab one of the Wiz cheerleaders and tell them that, “Shaq is interested, here is his agents' number.” (Or Kobe for that matter…ha ha)…TRUTH… Take a look at David Beckham. You know how he met Posh Spice? He had his agent write a note to her agent saying that he would like to meet her and she can come find him on Saturdays at Old Trafford… C'mon Tiger, these aren't even guys that are married. These are guys that understand they are in the media spotlight 24/7. 2. O.K., if Tiger insists on having a phone, then at least get a disposable one. I know companies offer them, I've seen it on HBO's “The Wire,” so it can't be that hard… but say that it is. Tiger, you're worth over $1 billion — why don't you just buy AT&T? 3. Finally, I've been trying to come up with another way to reconcile that voicemail you left your mistress, asking her to “change her name on the call log”…Tiger, that is just wack. It's like a 10-year-old being caught red-handed and trying to claw his way out of a ditch after he was caught stealing candy from the local store. Big guy, don't ever leave voicemails. Don't send text messages, either. You're the highest-profile athlete in the world, and although you may delete the texts and VMs on your end, she can save them on hers. I guess there are always lessons to be learned here. And although I took more of a humorous approach to the subject, I do sincerely hope that Tiger rebounds from this. He is the best golfer of all time, just not the best husband.