Our Bro of the Week Swings the Gavel
So I have come to realize that in the dead of the summer, when the only sport that we have to watch is baseball (and golf occasionally), the Bro of the Week becomes much more difficult to execute. We're men, we thrive on athletics and competition. We want winners to be nominated, not some 50-year-old used car salesman whose wife wants him dead or Al Roker for his flawless execution of this week's forecast — although, I do like to know when the heavens are planning on taking a piss. Anyway, we have a decent crop of lads nominated this week, with a real brazen gent taking home the gold at #1. Enjoy.
5. Travis Kevie
Have you ever walked past a run down bar with boarded-up windows and thought to yourself “I bet I could re-open that place and it would be successful as f*ck”? Well, that is exactly what Travis Kevie did when he walked past the Valencia Club in California. The only catch, however, is that Kevie didn't buy or rent the shutdown establishment. Instead, he re-opened the bar for business by playing the breaking-and-entering card and grabbing a few six packs from his local grocer as inventory. As you probably can imagine, this didn't end well for the young bar mogul. Kevie's stint as a bar owner (via squatters rights) only lasted four days because he stupidly let a local newspaper run an article about how he hijacked a bar that wasn't his. So yeah, he was arrested.
4. Louis Oosthuizen
Sometimes I think we care so much about winning that we forget about other things, like the recent advancements in modern orthodontics. Sure, you won the British by an impressive margin, Louis, but it is no where near as impressive as the 150 yards that stands between your two front teeth. Solid victory at St. Andrews but do the viewing public a favor and invest a chunk of that prize money on Invisalign.
3. Ty Wigginton
Ty got ejected from last nights Orioles/Twins game after he got a little too close and a little too heated towards the first-base ump after a questionable call. I have to hand it to hi:, he plays for a dogshit team that is at the absolute bottom of the the MLB and it still looks like he gives a shit about the season. It also looked, however, that during his tirade that he was trying to fly away. Can't say that I blame him.
2. Jon Hamm
“Mad Men” starts Sunday night and that means a large portion of you will be tuning in to see Hamm run shit as Don Draper. Whenever I catch the show I usually enjoy Christina Hendricks and her superfluous tits the most, but Hamm is total boss, too.
1. U.S. District Judge Stefan Underhill
Earlier this week, Underhill ruled that cheerleading is not to be considered a sport under Title IX (or any circ*mstance). It is really about f*cking time someone did this, but it's so refreshing to see a man of the gavel abusing his power for the betterment of mankind. From here on out, I cannot fathom a scenario where this guy walks into a bar and pays for a drink.
Christina Saunders: Also known as the chick who f*cked 1000 dudes merely for the sport of it.