Parents Shared The Weirdest Shit They Caught Their Kid Doing And This Is Why Birth Control Was Invented
Being a parent is mostly a thankless job. I mean no one ever says, “Good job putting up with your kids being idiots.” You just do it.
Kids being kids means a whole of stupid things happen. We’ve already seen what kind of frightening things parents have found when they checked their kids’ browsing history. So we know that their brains work in ways that can be a little bit… off.
Which is why these stories from Reddit about the weirdest things parents have ever caught their child doing do not surprise me in the slightest.
So if your significant other is bugging you to have kids anytime soon, just break out a few of these and I think you will win your argument in a landslide.
Trying to stick batteries up his ass, saying that he needed more energy. ~ hiddenbehindamask
3 year old. Took a poop in a pillowcase and folded it up into a small square, tucked it under her pillow. She said she didn’t do it. “maybe it was my grandma or maybe the dog?” ~ rowdytardyswiper
3 year old brought me a slug and told me it was “Mr. FunALug” then she threw it into a bonfire and staring at its burning corpse she said Mr FunALug is dying. ~ PM_YOUR_SUNSETPICS
My 2 boys were in the bathtub about a month ago and the 6 month old started pissing, the stream landed on the 2 year old, he got annoyed with the impromptu golden shower, so the 2yo calmly pinched off his little brothers dick and said “no, baby”, all remaining completely on an even-keel.
I’m shocked at 1) his problem solving skills, and 2) his ability to stay completely composed while serving as his brother’s fire hydrant. ~ chrisbattle
I heard loud music coming from my three year old son’s room upstairs. When I yelled for him the music stopped and he appeared in the hall, wearing only underwear, sunglasses and a second pair of underwear on his head. “What, Dad?”
What do you even say to that? ~ oldforger
I walked into the kitchen one day to see my 4 year old son cleaning the counter with a piece of ham. He then went over to the sink, washed off the piece of ham and then started to eat it. ~ Link-to-the-Pastiche
My daughter, who’s five, took a sip of juice from a straw, spit it into her hand, and then proceeded to rub it into her hair like it was hair product or something.
Right after I’d given her a shower. Why? ~ marzipandancer
I’ve caught my three year old standing over her baby brother at one in the morning. She was making sure he “didn’t climb out and kill everyone” even though A) he can’t even walk yet and B) he has no reason to go on what would probably be the world’s most adorable killing spree. ~ Teaboo_mom
I was potty training my son and kept the potty just outside of our toilet. I walked into the area and seen a large poo with Mr Potato Head arms, legs, nose and hat on it. ~ BunnyButtWaifu
My oldest son used to sleepwalk. One night he got out of bed, walked past the bathroom, the kitchen, and my wife and I on the couch. I asked “What are you doing?” He lifted up the cushion on the loveseat, pulled down the front of his pants, we both screamed “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” just as he started pissing into the loveseat… 30 seconds later, the cushion is back down, he’s gone, and were both still sitting there stunned. ~ tzenrick
Thoughtfully, slowly, & repeatedly licking the floor. ~ dragon1031
Walked into my three year old’s room to find him seated at his toy piano, buck naked except for a necktie and a pirate hat, playing and singing his heart out. I thought to myself, ‘wherever this kid goes, it’s gonna be a party.’ ~ walk_through_this
My sons are 5 years and 2 days apart – good for some things, bad for others. At about 7 and 2, they were playing in the basement before lunch one day, and while they were eating I went to go check laundry or something – and found liquid all over their train table turned playscape. Upon further investigation I discovered it was urine. When pressed, the 2 year old admitted that he had peed on everything because his brother wasn’t letting him play…. ~ Agerstein
My son was storing urine in shampoo bottles under his bed. He said it was like his own bathroom so he didn’t have to leave his room. His room is 10ft from the actual bathroom. ~ ieatthehardkernels
I caught him putting my flossers under his foreskin, then putting the flossers back in the bag.
How many times did I floss my teeth with my 3 year old’s penis germs? ~ nabbitnabbitnabbit
Okay then! I think we’re done here.
Check out the rest of the weirdness over at Reddit.
Related: Kid Steals Cement Truck For Joyride
Shocked man image by Shutterstock