This Pedestrian Did What I’ve Wanted To Do To Dickhead Drivers For Years But Haven’t Had The Balls

YES! Finally. I posted this video because it needed to be posted. It won’t change the world. It won’t move mountains. But it highlights an epidemic in America’s city life, namely New York City.

Nothing chaps my ass more than crossing the street via a cross walk that was SPECIFICALLY put in place for people on foot, and an over-eager driver creeps into the painted area like a prick. COOL BRO, you can afford a car in the big city and I can’t even afford a subway pass. CAN I JUST HAVE THIS ONE THING? CAN THIS ONE 8-FOOT STRIP OF PAVEMENT BE MINE UNTIL THAT HAND STOPS BLINKING? And I know you saw me stare you down, bro, so quit pretending you’re changing the radio station and look me in the fucking eye. You owe me that at least. You and your fancy shmantzy Mercedes probably going to fuck my ex-girlfriend.

The dude in this video is a torch holder. The pedestrian version of Rosa Parks. I tip my cap to you sir. Keep fighting the good fight.

P.S. I really need to move out to the country. NYC is officially making me a jaded dickhead. But honestly, fuck that guy in the Mercedes. Shithead.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.