People Explain What They Thought Sex Was When They Were Kids, And Jeez You Guys Were Naive

by 3 years ago

When I was in my younger years, probably around the age of 24 or so, I thought to have sex a man had to put his pee-pee in a girl’s bellybutton. Which is totally ludicrous because what about those weirdos with outie belly buttons? I realize how naive I was when I was younger and know exactly what sex is; it’s when a man puts his testicles in a woman’s hiney. However, when we’re young and dumb, we’re quite clueless as to how sexual intercourse is performed.

The fine people of the subreddit Ask Reddit, pondered this query, “What did you think sex was as a child before you found out?” The answers ranged from hilarious to adorable to gross to impossible.

Redditor medwannabe:

yeah it wasn’t my brightest line of thought but i’ll share it anyway because fuck it: i knew what sex implied but i kinda believed that the stronger you penetrate the better would it be, so i came up with scenarios like getting a swing of some sort that would allow you to go closer to the ceiling in the room and then just drop on the girl that’s lying in bed waiting for you, and if you aim just right, a 1-2 meter drop should secure the best sex ever

This is EXACTLY why parents should never leave out their fuck swing and have their young child see it.

Redditor Dannyhopkins:

Kissing naked in bed

Aww that’s so very Nicholas Sparks-ish.

Redditor TheLightningLordling:

I thought Women got impregnated randomly, and they had to find a husband before they do

“Mom! The Pregnancy Fairy visited me last night because I have a baby!”

Redditor OffensiveLamp:

I read about it in an encyclopedia and one of the lines was “semen is released from the penis into the vagina”, and not knowing what semen was, I imagined it as being some sort of gas or mist.

Now did this gas come out slowly like a warm tea kettle or forcefully like an air compressor?

Redditor JustJoeB:

I knew about putting the penis in the vagina but i didn’t know about erections, so I thought the guy had to shove his flaccid penis inside the vagina entirely by hand, like putting stuffing inside a turkey.

That’s like trying to put the toothpaste back in the toothpaste tube.

Redditor Throwaway_S1:

I was the typical “stick it into the vagina and pee” kid.

I thought that peeing in a woman’s lady parts would get her pregnant. I actually thought that I’d gotten a girl pregnant once, at the age of 7-8 or something.

We were dared to kiss each other by some other kids. This was a great deal, so nobody should watch. So we went under a table with blankets on either side so nobody could watch. Since there wasn’t much room I had to kinda lay on top of her. We kissed and of course I found it awful, you know, I just kissed a girl, how gross is that? So I rushed out and hid some place.

But when I hid I came to think, just prior to the whole scene I went to the bathroom to pee. I then began to speculate, if I could have gotten her pregnant by some of my pee being on my trousers, transferring to her trousers (As I laid on top of her) and then into her lady parts.

I became so worried that I had trouble sleeping for about a week or two. Everyday I would go to school early, in order to wait for her at the bicycle stands in order to find out if she came to school. Because in my mind, if she weren’t that meant she was having a baby. I remember that I would always be relieved to see her bike strolling around the corner. One morning I even picked some flowers from the neighbors yard for her, so when the baby came it’ll have something nice to look at.

Yeah, I know it’s weird. I was a weird kid.

Do you know how many kids R. Kelly would have if this was the case?

Redditor Discostew42:

I thought that if a man and a woman, even briefly bumped into each other from the waist down that a baby would instantly shoot out of the woman. I was terrified to use the monkey bars at school in case I accidentally swung into a girl.

“Cindy and I are even going on the monkey bars on Saturday. So I guess you could say things were getting pretty serious.”

Redditor pistachiomuffin:

Yeah so I thought the balls went in too. Whoops.

That’s nuts!

Redditor rafaelisrad:

Not sure about sex, but I definitely thought babies came out of women’s buttholes until I was about 9.

My mom laughed so hard when I told her that I haven’t forgotten it since.

To my credit, I’ve birthed some baby-sized dumps in my life.

Redditor R1R2L1L2:

Pulling your shirt off and rubbing your stomachs together

Overweight people are just getting pregnant every weekend at a packed all-you-can-eat buffet.

Redditor DoobaDoobaDooba:

Peeing in her butt

That’s not how you have sex?

I feel like most or all of these childhood beliefs probably manifested into a freaky fetish later in their lives.


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