‘Who Is He?!’: People Are Snapchatting The Awkward Morning After Their One Night Stands And It’s Glorious

by 5 years ago
one night stand


The least talked about part of a one night stand is the potentially awkward morning after. Ya know, when the alcohol has betrayed you and taken the form of a diabolical hangover. When you don’t want to stick around too long to be a clinger but you don’t want to leave too early to be a dickface. When you entertain the idea of morning sex but your mouth tastes like an offensive lineman’s jock strap, deeming it nearly impossible to rev things up again. When you have to take the biggest shit of your life but feel the need to instill the belief that you don’t poop into someone you’ll never see again, so instead you just clench your ass cheeks together but she knows you have to drop a heater anyway because your stomach sounds like a growling cocker spaniel. And usually when you want to sneak out early you can’t because your iPhone is dead and you have no idea where to catch the subway and of course she has a Samsung Galaxy so her charger is useless so you have to wake her up and get verbal directions that you’ll immediately forget upon walking out the door because your hangover hardly allows you to remember her name, nevermind step-by-step directions to public transportation.

Was it worth it?

In theory, yes, but you were so drunk the night before you hardly remember swinging your hog around like a helicopter trying pump some life into it after the 17 Bud Lights at the bar put it to sleep. And when you got it hard enough to resemble a boner, you struggle putting the condom on and your schlong falls right back to sleep. Condoms are just sleeping bags for boners.

One night stands are one night stands because neither of you want to see each other again after the piss poor sexual performances you each displayed.

Which is why people are Snapchatting the morning after their one night stands with regret and shame. Kind of a dick move to breach someone’s trust like that, but hey, it’s not like you’ll see them again.

one night stand


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[h/t LADbible]

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

TAGSOne night standsSnapchat