People Tell Of The Worst Way They F*cked Up During Sex And So Many Frightening Stories Have Blood, Lots Of Blood

by 2 years ago
american-pie

American Pie


The old adage goes, “Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.” Well tell that to these poor individuals who had a cataclysmically ghastly life-altering experience during sex.

The scary question of “What are some of the worst ways you fucked up during sex?” was posed to the fine folks over at the Ask Reddit subreddit. And there were some crotch-grabbing, cringeworthy doozies.

PoeticJedi:
When I said I liked biting, I did not intend for my testicles to get bitten 😦

That’s nuts!

Bathosfear:
I kept trying to get my girlfriend to 69. She shyly declined with “no, I’ll just do you” so I always quickly shut up. But I didn’t stop trying to convince her. She finally relented and we went to it. And she lightly farted on my face the entire time. I never brought it up again, but I did marry her.

Love stinks.

freeze69IceMan:
Went to pull up the blankets, they got stuck so I pulled harder. Hand slipped and I uppercut her right on the chin. Broke her jaw.

Love hurts.

PM-ME-UR-KNICKERS:
Falling asleep while knuckles deep. I was tired.

This person definitely does not have their finger on the pulse of what’s sexy.

Crusadaer:
It was in the summer. My first proper girlfriend. After losing my virginity and discovering sex I was determined to try everything. I don’t know if it’s the same with circumcised penii, but with my fella and other uncircumcised ones there’s a small ‘string’ of flesh that connects the head to the foreskin. The frenulum. You don’t really notice it, but it stops you from pulling the foreskin back a certain amount. This will be important later.
So we’re in my bed, parents out, on a lazy Saturday afternoon making out. We’d had sex before, but had always done missionary and cowgirl before, and I decided that today was the day that I would do her from behind.

So we get in position, her hands on my bed, and I find the entrance and put it in. It feels more resistant than normal so I push harder, and finally make me way in. Mistake. I feel a sharp pain near the head of my dick, and it begins to feel a lot warmer and wetter than before. I look down. Blood. Blood on my dick, blood all over her thighs, blood on the floor, blood on the sheets. I pull out and it begins to sting like an absolute bitch. I entered at the wrong angle, the frenulum tore, and now my blood filled cock is acting like some satanic fire hose, dousing me, my girlfriend, and my entire bedroom in blood. Blood on the floor, blood on the walls. My girlfriend is in tears at this point, half from me being apparently quite badly injured, half because she is now covered pretty much from the waist down in dick blood.

I pick up my boxer shorts and press them against the head of my member, still rock hard for some reason, to try and stop the bleeding. With one hand pressing my now drenched underwear to my cock, I open my door and sprint down the corridor to the bathroom and grab a roll of toilet paper.

Back to the room, it’s clean up time. First my girlfriend, then me, then attention is turned to the room. The sheets weren’t salvageable. I couldn’t complete clean me or my girlfriend, and I took responsibility for cleaning up the puddles of blood from the floor. My girlfriend took to cleaning the wall. About ten minutes later we were done, the floor was slightly sticky and the sheets were thrown out, my dick had stopped bleeding but was still stinging intensely. My girlfriend informed me at that point that we weren’t having sex and I wasn’t allowed to masturbate for three weeks while I healed. She never let me fuck her from behind again.

Tldr: Tried doggy style for the first time, ended up watching my crying girlfriend cleaning blood off the wall while I mopped up puddles of blood from the floor, while clutching my poor injured cock.

I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have a frenulum, that sounds absolutely horrifying.

purple00cheesey:
So, water is wet and makes things slippery, right? Apparently not skin. Finally convinced my GF to let me fuck her in the shower, push it in and feel a bit of restraint, so i shove as hard as i can. i felt a small pain, but passed it off as nothing. Then she looks down and sees blood. thinking it was her, she started crying and apologising, till we realised that my dick had drained of blood. snapped frenulum, had to go to hospital.

Looks like Mother Nature really fucked up with that frenulum design flaw.


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