How to Pick Up Chicks at the Gym and a Fortune 500 CEO’s Son Needs Help Landing a ‘Good Girl’

by 7 years ago

Q: So there's this girl at my gym that always eye f*cks the sh*t out of me every time I'm near her. She’s always running on the treadmill so its hard for me to talk to her cause she’s always in the zone listening to music. Got any pointers for what I can do, to get her number and eventually bang?

A: Classic gym crush. Men and women in skimpy clothing, sweating and grunting in a confined space, but not interacting with one another despite their desire to do so.

It’s like sitting in a classroom with a bunch of naked people, or being blindfolded at a strip club. So many things you want to see/say/touch/do/feel; but you can’t.

It can be a tough and awkward gap to bridge, but its possible.

First things first; are you SURE she’s really eye f*cking you, or are you just that guy at the gym who won’t stop staring? If you two are on a similar schedule, keep it that way. Once you’ve gotten to the point where it’s obvious you both recognize each other, you can start making moves towards initiating contact. “Happening” to be at the water fountain, treadmills or sit-ups mat at the same time will help you get in some face time. Start off slow with a smile or “hi” when you first see her; give it another week before introducing some, “how’s it going”, and from there see if she takes the bait or is just totally f*cking creeped out by you. Whatever you do, do NOT be the guy who gives unwarranted workout advice.

“Hey, you should really angle your wrists down on those tricep extensions.” Hey, you should really go f*ck yourself. 

Q: How does someone in college who was known for being the son of a Fortune 500 CEO (still doing well, but not at the high end (9.5-10) end of the market) achieve those standards and utter disregard for personal dignity without solely attracting gold diggers?

Interested in your take. I know I may sound like a douche but as in your 5 guys segment, takes one to know one.

A: When your pops balances his time between reeling in a $30 million dollar salary and cheering on his favorite sports teams—you know, the ones that he owns– it’s hard to avoid being noticed.

That’s right, I Googled you.

Anyways, your wealth is clearly something you’re proud of, since you not only brought it up as something you’re “known for” but also included the details (9.5-10? As if I give a sh*t.) and your actual name.

You can help yourself by refraining from boasting about or even discussing your wealth. It’s tacky to do so, and it’s not even yours to boast about. (Your poor dad, bringing home the bacon while you bring home the gold diggers…)

Yes, girls are going to be poking holes in your condoms left and right to get a piece of that dollar pie, but not every one will.

The ones who aren’t digging for your $crilla are the girls you’re going to have to chase; the girls who aren’t interested in what kind of car(s) you drive or when you want to get married. The ones who will make you prove yourself based on your character rather than bank account. The few, the proud.

But they do exist, so look harder.

Put your stack of hundos back in your monogramed money clip, leave your bottle service hos behind and hit the streets like a common person– just looking for a connection with another common person.


Q: What's your opinion on when a guy/girl should lose the v-card? I'm a sophomore in high school and still a virgin, but am pretty experienced with chicks otherwise. So my question is, am I way behind for my age?

A: Young breau, these things can’t be put into a timeline, quantified as right or wrong, or applied to popular opinion. In the truest sense of the phrase, “to each his own.” I have friends who lost their virginity when they were fourteen; others who didn’t lose it until college. And yes, they were babes across the board.

But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t f*cking matter when you do it for the first time. Everyone has sex. For their entire lives.

For now, don’t stress about it. Just focus on the important stuff, like applying to college and convincing your parents to buy you a car.


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TAGSask a babecollege lifeDatinggold diggerslosing your virginity