New Whisky Is Handcrafted By Porn Stars, Supposedly Tastes Like Them, Too

by 3 years ago

How do you like your whisky? On the rocks? Neat? With a twist of lemon peel? Distilled and aged in the uterus of one of America’s most popular porn stars?

That can’t taste very good now, can it? And what would we call it? Cervisky? Uterusky?

I don’t know. All I do know is that for as delicious as it is, for too long has whisky been handcrafted by master distillers and not by far less qualified women who have sex on camera for the pleasure of the masses.

Not to say that they can’t make good whisky, just saying that it isn’t their forte.

But sex sells, and that’s what Whisky X is counting on with its confusing marketing strategy. It really is confounding. Here, watch an ad staring Tori Black, who I may add I love.

What the dick was that? Are we gonna fuck or drink? Apparently both, according to the description.

Experience the perfect combination of premium quality whisky and the most coveted women. Not only will the quality of our whisky make your heart beat faster, the thought of the same whisky touching the body of the woman of your dreams will leave you speechless.

Was it up in her snizz? Does each bottle get some sort of Maker’s Mark vaginal secretion style dripping on its cap?

No really. I think the porn stars touch it. All of it. This is Whisky X describing their Body Blend offering.

It’s not just a whisky, it’s body blended By-X. Taste and enjoy, because it is a pleasure to discover your passion for our whisky. Rich taste, high quality of whisky with a unique way of blending. Our whisky is body blended by the most beautiful women. Not only will the quality of our whisky make your heart beat faster, the thought of the same whisky touching the body of the woman of your dreams will leave you speechless.

I really think this is whisky that porn stars touch with their jazz before it gets bottled.

What the fuck?? And why do I want to try it so badly now?


TAGSPorn starswhisky

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