Porn Stars Reveal Who They Think Should Be The Next President And Is ‘My P*ssy’ A Democrat Or Republican?

by 4 years ago

Asking porn stars their opinions on politics is like asking Ray Charles his opinion on a sunset. You don’t really hope to learn anything, you just look forward to what answers they’ll pull out of their asses. Their answers reminded me of in high school when my English teacher would ask me what happened in last night’s Oliver Twist reading, and I only gave Pink Monkey a cursory glance 4 minutes before class started. “Uh, he’s still poor and gross?”

Answers ranged from Trump, citing the cliche “speaks his mind” bullshit, Bernie because he “represents the young populous, Bill Nye because science never lies, and my personal favorite: “don’t ask me about politics, I just do porn.” This acute self-awareness is exactly what’s missing in literally every presidential candidate and I applaud this young lady for that.

P.S. The girl who refuses to reveal who she’s voting for really chaps my ass. If you’re one of those assholes who treats your presidential vote like the results of your syphilis test, you can’t sit at my lunch table. Go Glansberg it somewhere else.

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

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