How Many Restraining Orders Do You Think This Psychopath On Tinder Has Been Issued?

by 2 years ago

JACK NICHOLSON

My dad sealed the deal with my mom in high school after she claims he waited by her locker every day basically begging for a date. “I had to have her. I wouldn’t take no for an answer,” he said, trying but failing to come off sounding non-rapey. But it worked, and after 35 years of marriage, the story about how my dad threatened my mom into dating him is just a cute anecdote rather than the work of someone who belongs in a straight jacket.

Point is, there’s a fine line between passion and prison. And this Tinder diatribe from a dude named Mitch that was dug up by the dudes at TFM is all the evidence one needs to sentence Mitch to a lifelong term in solitary confinement without the possibility of parole. I’m actually not even convinced Mitch isn’t already in prison and had Red pick him up a cell phone from the outside.

TINDER

Total Frat Move


TINDER 2

TINDER 3

P.S. If you’re name is Mitch, you’re a psycho. It’s science. By no fault of your own, when the name ‘Mitchell’ is stamped on your birth certificate, you immediately turn into a fucking sociopath who eats Taco Bell for breakfast and collects locks of hair that are put into small baggies and filed away in a leather-bound book. This poor bastard’s life was fucked before they cut the umbilical cord off. Didn’t stand a chance.

[h/t TFM]


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