The Republican Debate Was Last Night And Naturally The Internet Reacted Like Children

I went into last night’s Republican debate PUMPED UP. I was ready to see bloodshed and hot takes and all I wanted was someone, anyone, to make me want to vote for them. My debate boner was raging. This was going to be the night when a candidate made me believe that Hilary fucking Clinton would for sure not be our next president.

But that didn’t happen. Instead, like the rest of the Internet, I was left underwhelmed and spent the night annoyed with our choices while also making fun of them on social media (see video above).

As fun as that is — and IT.IS.FUN. — I still wish I had some clue as to who I want as our next president.

All I could think about when anyone talked was either, “Yeah, this person just won’t do.” Or “Rubio’s mouth is going to turn on him and dry out at any second, I can feel it!” Or, “Man, Carly Fiorina must be a nightmare in the sack. A me-first lover if there ever was one. Total drill sergeant. I MUST HAVE SEX WITH HER.”

The debate was so BLEH, that people are actually saying Rand Paul was the winner. Yes, the same Rand Paul who looks like a Mr. Rogers sock puppet.

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Anyway, that’s just my $.02.

[Video mashup via Spun]

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