There’s A Massive Sex Party In NYC For Elite People This Weekend, So You’ll Know Where To Find Me
If you’re living in New York City and you’re currently short on plans for Saturday night, why not pull yourself together and go to Killing Kittens first ever NYC sex party with the city’s elite? Sure, you have to be attractive, between the ages of 18-50, very rich, and able to refrain from calling the company “Slaughtering Pussies,” but who among us can’t manage to squeeze themselves into that profile for one night?
Oh, there is one other catch. For men to attend, they have to be accompanied by a female. Chicks can attend alone and fuck other chick’s boyfriends or dates, but no single guys. Single guys are not welcome. Single guys are undesirable creeps. (Yes, I read way too far into things.)
The sex party is kind of inexpensive — $100 for women and $250 for couples. Certainly less money than buying a hooker. Not that I would know the costs associated to such a thing. Maybe that price break is because they don’t test for STDs. For $1,000, people would want to know they aren’t going to leave diseased. For $100, they’ll take their chances. But according to the NY Post, Killing Kittens (AKA Slaughtering Pussies) does provide plenty of condoms, which we can all agree is super thoughtful.
Need more convincing? Allow this lady’s testimonial in the NY Post to fix that.
“It’s like ‘Eyes Wide Shut,’ but realistic,” says Gweneth Romein, 46, who works in consulting and has attended nearly 20 Killing Kittens events.
“When [my ex-boyfriend and I] hosted a party at our house [in London], we had a bed and there were these two gorgeous silver foxes and this black girl whose legs went to Tokyo, and she was just demanding everything from them . . . it’s complete carnage,” she says. “It’s like a buffet.”
It’s easy to picture Eyes Wide Shut in my head, but the real life version of that has to be way more awkward. I can’t help but imagining a room full of hot chicks surrounded by masked, horny dudes with tucked up boners attempting to get as drunk as possible before they have to try and hold their pent-up loads for longer than 3.5 pumps. And somewhere in the mix, you just know there’s a guy who forgot to wear a belt and is currently giving one side of his pants massive pleats. But everyone is getting laid so why waste time later trying to get a boner when you can show up with a full tank of gas?
Either way, sounds like a wild time for everyone involved, especially for the lucky fucks who get to turn the lights on and sweep up all the used scumbags off the floor.
[H/T NY Post]