Size and Age Matter in Today’s Bro of the Week Countdown

by 9 years ago

Time to round up the best of the best from the last week and count down to one victorious bastard, who will receive no tangible prize for his accomplishments, but a virtual pat on the back for being our Bro of the Week. I'm going to be honest, after watching Bubba Watson and Dustin Johnson make a mockery of the American flag — coming up as losers against that German whats-his-face — the week just kept that same lethargic pace. There have, however, been bright spots in all this gloom and we are hopeful that next week the Bros of the world will rise from the ashes.

Rex Ryan
He may have lost all the respect of Tony Dungy, but this beefy b*tch goes balls to the wall with his comments, his actions, and without-a-doubt his buffet-side manner. Quite frankly, I enjoy his candor and it's no wonder why HBO chose the Jets for “Hard Knocks” this season.

Terrell Brown
Gigantor here is a walk-on offensive lineman at Ole Miss who earlier this year transferred from Mississippi Delta Community College — which is practically an extension of kindergarten — just to try his paws at football. His story is eerily similar to that of Michael Oher (see: “The Blind Side”) but without all the adoption hoopla. Why he has even been nominated this week is a mystery, but I do hope he succeeds.

Brett Favre
Whether you love him, hate him, or indifferent, the guy does whatever the f*ck he wants, still competes at a high level, and Ed Werder would suck the juices from his grapes no questions asked. So yeah, the first two out of three things he has going for him are pretty f*cking sweet.

Brad Dalke
He is a 5' 8″, 175 lb., 12 year-old golfer who already committed to Oklahoma to play collegiate golf. He also plays Titleist balls, hits a Taylor Made driver, and absolutely loves to f*ck brunettes (foreshadowing).

Chuck Patterson
This professional surfer intentionally went paddle surfing just to capture on film two great white sharks swimming. Rather than using a logical vessel, like a boat, Chuckles here used a paddle surfboard and a camera attached to a long pole. He managed to get the shots with out dying but what's really impressive is that his balls fit on a surf board.

TAGSbrad dalkeBrett Favrechuck pattersonRex Ryanterrell brown