Science! Says Squeezing Breasts Can Stop Cancer in Greatest Study Ever
“Squeezing breasts can prevent, uh, breast cancer?”
“I'll run some tests.”
A little squeeze may be all that it takes to prevent malignant breast cells triggering cancer, research has shown.
Laboratory experiments showed that applying physical pressure to the cells guided them back to a normal growth pattern.
Scientists do not envisage fighting breast cancer with a new range of compression bras, but they believe the research provides clues that could lead to new treatments.
“People have known for centuries that physical force can influence our bodies,” said Gautham Venugopalan, a leading member of the research team at the University of California in Berkeley, United States.
“When we lift weights our muscles get bigger. The force of gravity is essential to keeping our bones strong. Here we show that physical force can play a role in the growth – and reversion – of cancer cells.”
All joking aside, this is actually pretty fascinating—as long as you don't place too much stock in it. It seems like every day we're bombarded with a new and different way to lower the risk of cancer. I've heard over the past year measures that make less and less sense, from cooking red meat the right way, to avoiding Tupperware, to cutting out diet soda. In other words, you can't just go around constantly grabbing boobs because there's a 0.1% chance that it might “help” women.
Mainly because it's also this:
(I DARE anyone to find a better pop culture reference today. 9 a.m. and I win.)