Studies: Drink Heavy, Smoke Up Often

by 8 years ago

Our health is something we often overlook even though it is of vital importance to us — if for no other reason than to continue our destructive lifestyles. We go to the gym and sculpt the masterpiece, sure, but our parents and loved ones would probably argue that our drinking is out of control, our music is bludgeoning our eardrums, our eating habits are shit, and our sex life is completely irresponsible. But f*ck that old-fashioned noise, is what I say. And I say that because scientists and people educated enough to conduct studies keep proving us right and them wrong. Today, in fact, two unrelated reports came out that further give us reason to abuse alcohol and blaze ourselves into a haze. If we actually needed anymore reason in the first place…

Just in time for college getting back in session, Time magazine is reporting about how people who are heavy drinkers seem to live longer lives than those who don't. What is the scientific reasoning behind this newfound longevity, you ask? I don't know actually. I didn't take the time to finish the article, it was f*cking long. All I needed to read was the title because it says it right there, “Why Do Heavy Drinkers Outlive Non Heavy Drinkers?” The answer is simple, because we aren't f*cking pussies. Now on to the next bit of news that might interest you.

A recent study conducted on 21 individuals concludes that smoking pot may significantly reduce severe pain. Though I didn't have the heart to read this article either, it did state that the pain these participants suffered was physical; but if your childhood was void of any affection, turning to drugs can probably reduce that pain as well. When Dr. Christopher Gharibo was asked about the study, he scoffed at the idea, saying, “I'm not convinced [marijuana] helps from a functional standpoint, I'm not even impressed by the pain reduction. We have analgesics that do much better.” Chris sounds like a fag, so I would take his comments with a grain of salt.

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