Teachers Anonymously Shared The Most WTF Things They’ve Seen Students Do And What The Hell Is ‘Birdgang’?
I have to say that the absolute best statuses I see on Facebook these days are from my friends who are school teachers and share the most asinine things their students say to them. I’m not trying to dox anyone here, but some of the shit I see these teacher friends of mine share on FB has me legitimately worried about the state of Washington D.C.’s school system.
All of this is of course an awkward segue into me telling you bros how I came across an AskReddit thread in which a bunch of teachers shared the MOST WTF THINGS they’d ever seen a student do. So if you’re asking yourself right now ‘what the hell is a ‘birdgang’ and why the crap did Cass mention it in the headline?’ then keep on reading, because that’s actually the first response below (and it sounds like the plot of an Always Sunny episode)!
I teach high school. Lots of weird stuff happens.
— Four boys in one of my periods have formed “BirdGang.” BirdGang consists of shouting “BIRDGANG” at random intervals, making bird noises, drawing birds on everything, and changing their last names to BirdGang (i.e. John BirdGang). They also have secret BirdGang handshakes that involve arm flapping. I hate BirdGang.
— A kid threw a rage fit because he closed the door too fast and it hit him in the face.
— Last year I had this student who was completely bananas. He got really good at shooting baby carrots out of his mouth. Once he nailed another kid right in the eye with a baby carrot. I would find baby carrots all over the room after he left. One time I gave him a pen, and not thirty seconds later he had ink smeared all over his face.
— Earlier this year, a student very gravely handed me a piece of paper at the end of class. On it was drawn a man ripping a spinal cord out of another man and the words “FINISH HIM” were written underneath. Like Mortal Combat. No explanation was given.
— We got through a whole 90 minute period well, so I gave them the last 5 minutes as free time. One boy walked over to another and punched him in the face.
— Yesterday I had to write a referral for a kid because had climbed up on the back of a chair and was humping another student’s shoulder.
— Someone took my marker basket and switched all the caps to all the pens (so the colors were mismatched).
— Penises are drawn on everything. Everywhere. All the time. All over school. Penises. I don’t know who does it. Stealth penises.
This didn’t happen in my classroom but it was a student I worked with. So the student did not want to be in class so he got up and left the classroom. This student is an 8th grader, and he walked into a random 7th grade math class where he did not know the students nor the teacher, sat down, and continuously shouted “I EAT BUTTHOLE!” He refused to leave and did not stop until security arrived. After speaking with other teachers and the principal about this situation, one teacher was saying how he might not be receiving proper attention at home so we should just be super encouraging with him. So I automatically said so what would you do, say great job (name), you eat that butthole! Everyone laughed but I probably shouldn’t have said that in front of my boss.
So, I’m an English as a Second Language teacher, and I teach a lot of Japanese students. One Monday morning, I was making conversation with my students, asking what they’d done on the weekend and whatnot. One girl, maybe around 18 was talking about what she and her host father had gotten up to, and I was eavesdropping when I heard her say ‘.. and then on Sunday my host father and I breastfucked, we usually breastfuck every Sunday’.
All the other students nodded and smiled, I nearly had a heart attack thinking I had a serious case of sexual abuse, then I realised she’d tried to say ‘breakfasted’. ESL teaching. It’s pretty bad ass.
TL;DR – thought my student was being breastfucked, turned out she was enjoying delicious breakfasts.
I’m actually still a student, but my sophomore year of highschool i was in childcare class, where we used to teach the preschoolers from the preschool attached to our school.
I remember one day my teaching group was doing an activity where we got to sit and fingerpaint with them. I was tasked with the table that had the most troublemakers, since the other members of my group knew they didn’t phase me as much. Anyways, basically I’m fingerpainting a rainbow and this kid Drew goes “I wanna listen to your heartbeat!” and leans over and death grips my titty. With his hands that had paint all over them. There was a tiny little handprint on my white shirt.
One eighth-grader decided to perform an interpretive dance for everyone at the start of class. She was a quiet, sensitive kid so I just let her have her few minutes in the spotlight. She reeeaaaally into it but it was very awkward to watch. All the other kids just stared at one another with a “WTF” expression on their faces.
ETA: I forgot to mention that she provided her own music. It sounded something like Enya. The kid also took off her shoes and pranced around between kids’ desks.
I had a student who wasted copious amounts of paper, staples, and tape by making hundreds of paper iPods and laptops. They were all kinds of different sizes and he coloured them and everything. When we did notes, he pretended to type the notes on his paper computer. He tried to sell them to the other kids but they wouldn’t pay him what he wanted. He moved on to paper swords and made a lot more money.
I had a student email me an assignment she never turned in…eight months after the class had ended.
One time I handed back a quiz to my 4th grade students. I told them I needed them back at the end of class so I could enter the grades into the grade book. Upon collecting the quizzes, one of the students (not happy with his grade) sheepishly handed me his crumpled up test that had holes eaten out of it.
One of my mom’s third graders found a men’s shoe in his backpack one morning. Just one, not the pair. He didn’t have an adult male living in his house and seemed to genuinely have absolutely no clue where the shoe came from.
Giving some year 9 math papers back once. A kid who had achieved an A- promptly burst into tears, started screaming profanities at me while tearing the paper into tiny pieces. He threw the pieces of paper onto the floor and stormed out. The rest of the class and I are just like WTF. Apparently he’d never scored below an A before. Lack of resilience is becoming a huge issue. Take note helicopter parents out there…
Another time, year 9 science class. I’m drawing a diagram of something on the board that I want the class to copy. I turn to the class briefly and notice a girl at the back texting. I tell her to bring the phone to me in the next 2 minutes or I’ll send her to the deputy principal. I turn back to the board to finish the diagram and let her make her decision. About 30 seconds later her phone smashes into the board beside and disintegrates into about 4000 pieces. Scares the living shit out of me. Apparently she threw it at me from the back. She ends up at the DPs office anyway…
Another one that comes to mind. A loud at the back of a year 11 low level math class is playing with a football. I ask him to throw it to me to stop him being distracted by it. A very large (like 130kg) very autistic boy (barely functional) suits in the front row. The ball, of course, nails the autistic not right in the back of the head. He sits perfectly still for about 5 seconds and then falls out of chair and smashes into the floor without trying to break his fall. I’m thinking great, hes dead. I go over to him. Eyes closed, not moving. I shake his shoulder a few times. Nothing. I’m packing it. Then, all of a sudden his eyes flick open and a massive grin appears on his face. He gets up laughing. Never saw him laugh before or since. Motherf…
One of my kids borrowed a pencil once, and then systematically ate the pencil. He was in seventh grade. He even chewed up the metal part until it was basically unrecognizable.
I have a lot.
Not me, but my mother.
She is a special education teacher and had a particularly low functioning child with a very interesting ahem shitty family life. The boy probably had an IQ of about 60. He was very tall for his age, but lean. Zero social skills. He was a hard kid to like, but my mom tried. She is very empathetic and tried her best with this child, and I had him in my class when he was older and talking to him was like talking to a snail….but less enthralling.
Anyways, he came up to her after he want to the bathroom and showed her that he had a worm in his hand and stated;
“I pooped this”.
He had tapeworms, and decided to show his teacher. She said he seemed kind of proud.
She started putting increasing her retirement fund that year.
I worked with inner city, at risk middle schoolers:
1. A group of students would hide in the locker rooms during recess and have sex
2. There was a group of boys we referred to as the “JO brothers” because they would jerk each other off. This was apparently not gay. Everyone knew about it.
3. A boy randomly pissed on the art teacher’s floor.
4. A boy was caught with his hand down his pants jerking off in class.
5. A boy threw a teacher’s computer (desktop) out a third story window.
6. A lot of weed smoking in the bathrooms that would come through the vents in the classrooms
7. Middle school kids with tattoos
8.middle school kids with ankle brackets
9. Middle school kids that had to be kept away from young children per court mandate
10. A 7 th grade girl prostituting herself
11. I had to take a kid to court because he was so disruptive and sexually inappropriate I had to press charges (per the school’s request)
12. A boy who ripped a female teacher’s shirt off and was arrested for sexual assault
13. I friended a former student on Facebook and he asked if he could send me dick pics (unfriended real fast)
My dad was a teacher in the 70s and 80s. He said a kid had somehow tied a hair around a housefly and was using it as a leash/”taking it for a walk” on his desk.
When I was in school, a friend of mine snorted a salt packet for a dollar. Also, two girls flashed me and another friend of mine for a dollar. I went to school with people who really understood the meaning of a dollar.
…..aaaaaand last but not least….
the year 12’s planted a crop of corn in the shape of a giant penis on their last day.
Well bros, if you want to read more of the responses from over on the AskReddit thread you can follow any of those links above, but if you’ve got a story of your own that you think can top these then CLICK HERE to fill out our anonymous ‘Tip Off’ form on BroBible, or hit me up down below in the comments and let me know what the most WTF thing you’ve ever seen in the classroom is!