I Had A Threesome With A Girl But I’m Skeptical About Dating Her? My Date Got So Drunk She Shit Her Pants In Public?

by 3 years ago
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Q: Rumor has it you are a girl. However, laboratory studies indicate that you are niether male or female. Rather, you are an asexual gamer nerd.

A: You’re so smart. Now that I’ve been caught it’s back to my parents’ basement where I jerk off, eat, sleep and play vidya gaemz in the same spot all day and all night, never daring to step foot into the outside world for fear of loneliness and rejection. Brb.

Q: I’m gonna be a freshman at the College of Charleston and I need to know the do’s and don’ts of body hair, especially chest hair since CofC is on the beach. I’m not the hairiest guy in the world but it’s for sure noticeable if I don’t shave it. Girls I’ve been with have had no complaints. I do have a six pack and am a good looking guy (sounding like a douche I know). I just wanna know whether it’s good to have some or to shave that shit right away.

A: College of Charleston is something like 60% women and 40% dudes. The only way you could possibly not get laid as a good looking guy is if you chopped your dick off and spent the next 4 years living inside a bucket on the edge of campus, but even then the chances that your amputated dick would find its way into a vagina is still pretty high. In other words, your body hair is probably pretty irrelevant as long as you’re not a goddamn bear roaming the campus fountains trying to catch himself salmon in the off-season. As long as you don’t have a chest that looks like Steve Carell…

40-year-old-virgin-waxing-o

…you should be fine.

Q: Me and a male friend of mine double team this girl who was a friend of his, I met her a few times before. Fast-forward a couple of months and me and her are hanging out quite a bit and get along quite well, and now she’s asking what I’m looking for out of her. I do like her but because of past experiences I’m kind of skeptical; should I give her a chance knowing what we have done before or sever ties?

A: Don’t even bother pursuing this relationship if you can’t get over the fact that she’s had a threesome with your and your friend. There’s no point in starting if a semi-grudge you’re holding against her from the beginning is going to make it crash and burn in a few months.

With that in mind…why does it matter to you that you’ve had a threesome with her? Are you judging her for it or something? Because you realize that you were part of that threesome too, right. Like do you see yourself as “oh I’m so high and mighty for having a threesome” whereas you look at her like “ew…tramp.” If you’re going to shit on her for it, you have to shit on yourself as well because you were just as active in it as she was.

If you can get over yourself and ignore her sexual past since it’s not even relevant to the relationship the two of you could possibly have, then go for it. If not, don’t even bother – it’ll be a waste of time for both of you.

Q: Many girls have told me I’m attractive and have a nice body but i suffer from back acne and that kills my confidence. Any advice?

A: Bathe. Or refuse to be on top during sex and make her do all the work. But mostly just bathe.

Q: About 4 months ago I was dating a girl from school. We met at a party and start dating. I’m 22 and about a month in she turns 21. We go out for a few drinks (we both have class early the next day). We end up getting her shitfaced. So drunk in fact she shit herself. We are not together anymore but I still laugh about it. Quite a few people know as well. I told her the next day I couldn’t keep it a secret. Am I a horrible person for making jokes about her unfortunate situation?

A: HELL no that’s funny stuff. If I were you I’d go around telling people that my date got so drunk that he shit himself too! Obviously she’s pissed since it’s not like that’s information you WANT making it’s way around town, but it’s not a life-or-death situation and it’s not exactly going to ruin her character like a story about infidelity would. Are you insensitive for spreading it? Sure, but would I do it too? Probably. We can be assholes together, if you like.

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