This Tinder Robot Uses Palm Sensors To Determine Which Way To Swipe Because UGH, Effort


Finding love is exhausting. I’ve gained so much more respect for my parents knowing that they met on the Earth’s soil. Like my dad saw something of value in my mom and he approached her in person and spoke words by tightening his vocal chords and pushing air off his larynx, thus creating the phrase “Hey babe, looking to fuck?” I’m not sure if my dad actually said that, but if I know my mom like I think I know my mom, that was a hook, line and sinker.

I’ve become so accustomed to swiping right on Tinder that I’ve acquired a mild case of arthritis, sidelining me from the online dating game for 6-8 weeks. Tragic, I know.

But technology has made a MAJOR advancement to help my cause!! No, there hasn’t been a cure for arthritis–a painful condition that affects close to 350 million people worldwide–a more important advancement!

Introducing the True Love Tinder Robot–a device that allows you to swipe on Tinder without actually swiping at all.

This is how it works.

With Tinder open, you put your phone down in front of the robot hand. Then you place your own human hands on the sensors. As you are looking at each Tinder profile, the robot will read your true heart’s desire through the sensors and decide whether or not you are a good match with that person based on how your body reacts. If it determines that you’re attracted to that person, it will swipe right. If not, it will swipe left. Throughout the process, it will make commentary on your involuntary decisions.

Check out the video below:

This marks the beginning of the end of life as we know it. Our children will be raised by robots.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.