Prior to yesterday, I’d have seen these maps and think that we’re all doomed; we’re all going to be a walking STD eventually (which I guess that’s still kind of true when you consider HPV). But that was before I learned that the ultimate in genitalia protection existed and it’s called the Scroguard, a latex thong for men to wear so their scrotum and lower abdomen is also safe from STDs. Armed with the Scroguard, the 2015 version of these maps should show the numbers cut in half.
Seriously, though, no one is ever putting a Scroguard on their person and when you look at these three maps, one questions is going to come to mind: WHERE THE FUCK AM I MOST LIKELY TO GET HERPES? That answer: EVERYWHERE. And according to Live Science, the reason that we don’t see any HPV or Herpes maps is that “many cases of STDs — such as chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis — continue to go undiagnosed and unreported, and data on several other infections — such as HPV, herpes and trichomoniasis — are not routinely reported by medical centers to the CDC.” Interesting. Even medical centers are too embarrassed to tell anyone about their herpes.
[H/T Live Science]