Sex Therapists Explain Why Women Call Men ‘Daddy’ In Bed
You’ve either heard this firsthand or you have seen a woman say it in a movie or on TV. Hearing a woman call you ‘Daddy’ or ‘Papi’ in bed can be a turn on for many dudes, and for many other bros it can be a major turnoff because it conjures up images of family and supposed ‘daddy issues’.
“I’ve heard from a fair amount of men who were turned off by it, and were worried that it was an indicator of ‘daddy issues,'” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. “Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasizing that he was her father.”
Seems logical, that it’s a dominance-submission term for the bedroom. BDSM is all the rage, or so I’ve been told, and there are only so many words in the English language that can be used in the bedroom.
The explanation keeps on going from another sex therapist:
Dr. Margaret Squires has been doing couples therapy for over 35 years and working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse for over 30. She doesn’t believe there’s anything particularly pedophiliac about daddy-talk. “I think that when that language comes up, it’s just as likely to be in a healthy relationship. You’re getting back to very early warm attachments.” She also didn’t necessarily have a problem with the DDlg dynamic. “Sometimes people are merely recognizing a pattern in their relationship. That’s why we have relationships, so we can rely on each other. It’s not necessary for everyone to be equally strong in all things.”
Personally, I’ve never found the use of ‘daddy’ in the bedroom to be a not to anything family-related. That said, the absolute LAST thing I ever want to think of or talk about while having sex is my parents, so any of that ‘daddy’ talk that might trigger a thought or memory of my family is 100% off limits because it has the potential to be a massive mood killer.
Over on VICE’s Broadly there are explanations from people who use this term all the time in the bedroom on how they feel about the phrase and how it worked its way into their sex vernacular. I highly suggest following that link and heading over to Broadly as their explanation is much more in-depth than what I’ve included above.