Would You Boink These Redhead Twin Sisters Who Were Arrested For Talking About Smuggling Crack Into Jail Using Their Vaginas?

by 4 years ago

St. John's County Sheriff's Office

I wouldn’t. Then again, I’m also a girl who considers herself to be heterosexual. If I were a dude then my answer would be “eh…do I have any new Tinder matches? No? Hmm…I guess.” But maybe, just maybe, that answer could get changed to “Yes absolutely I have nothing better to do today” if we knew just a wee-bit of their backstory. Just a bit.

Twin sisters have been caught plotting to smuggle crack cocaine into jail while sitting in the back of a squad car following another arrest.

Stacy and Stephanie Heichman, both 31, were detained after cops investigating a shoplifting at a Target in St. Johns County, Florida, found one of their wallets in a cart.

Officers then listened to audio of them taken from the squad car and uncovered a plan to hide narcotics on their bodies in a bid to get them into their cells.(via)

As a result of their stupid plan they were arrested on drug and larceny charges. Authorities later found a crack pipe stuffed between the seat cushions in the back of the patrol car, with another found in one of Stacy Heichman’s body cavities (ew). Stacy also got slapped with a big ol’ charge of smuggling contraband into prison. While to you and I this seems like a complete failure of a plan done by two fools, Sheriff’s Commander Chuck Mulligan sees the duo as having “a great deal of ingenuity”:

Sheriff’s Comander Chuck Mulligan told the newspaper: ‘These individuals have a great deal of ingenuity and again like in this case they’re willing to go to certain extremes in order to smuggle the contraband in.

We’ve seen individuals smuggle firearms and things like that — in other cases, not necessarily in the jail, but certainly individuals will secure items like that in body crevices and cavities/ We’ve seen that occur for years.’(via)

Maybe the definition of “ingenuity” has changed, but the last time I checked it didn’t include “crackheads who try and fail to shove crack up their vaginas and smuggle it into jail.” Now had they succeeded, sure they can have a gold star – but this is BroBible, and we don’t give gold stars to losers. Losers get to chug Papa John’s garlic sauce like Matt Keohan and then live their lives knowing what a failure they are. Life is hard and we don’t play with pansies over here.

[H/T Daily Mail]

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