BroBible Fantasy Football League Update: Week 3 Is For Winners

by 7 years ago

Marble Ryan: Losing always hurts, but losing to Mr. T is like lemon juice on Ron Mexico's herpes. At this point, I'd entertain offers of collusion, because I don't think I have much of a shot. DeSean Jackson is about to have Mike Kafka throwing to him. I have no tight end. Phil Rivers has played awful. Everyone on my team basically sucks. I don't really want to talk about it, I'm pretty depressed.

Mr. T: Just another day at the office for The A-Team. Anyone question my A- draft grade now? It makes it even sweeter that I just dominated Marble, who never turns down a chance to chastise my fantasy ego. Sadly for him, this now marks two weeks in a row that I've destroyed him (we play in another league together as well). He can tuck his micro-pen*s in between his legs and head to the door because this will keep him quiet for the next 10 weeks. I will say, however, that I never expected Fred Jackson to be this good. Dude can ball. Bring on Aaron Lax. It's time to knock him from the ranks of undefeated. On another note, at least Brandon has the Eagles after his team got quadrupled this week. Oh no, wait. They lost too…

AG's Quick Interjection: Mr. T, it's time for you to get over our mocking of your draft grades. It was nearly entire sarcasm and delivered knowing full well that you forgot more about NFL players and their stats and fantasy potential than the rest of us combined. Get over it.

Brandon Wenerd: Everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong for me on Sunday, and I got my ass kicked into a blender four times over. The only solution from here on out is heavy drinking and a hope and a prayer that the Vick fire gets rekindled. Or, at the very least, he doesn't come out of the season a vegetable.

AlwaysBeChaying: Wait, there was Fantasy this week??? Shit, I totally forgot… Is beating Brandon by 159.8 bad? Huh, I will have to pay attention next week to get that number up. In all seriousness, Brandon took the beating like a man, and shot me a heartfelt note Sunday afternoon to congratulate me on the dismantling. To be honest, this victory doesn't taste good. To watch the Jets' defense be run all over by my star fantasy running back is bittersweet. But that's why you play the game.

AG: As Michael Kay annoyingly says at the end of every Yankees victory, “Put it on the left side.” Thanks to Wes “Best WR in the NFL” Welker, I pretty much dominated this week. (As I mentioned on Twitter, his 58 points was more than my entire team in one of my other leagues). But this victory wasn't entirely on Welker's back. Schaub finally put up 30 points and Cutler chipped in with 22. Ryan Matthews and Greg Jennings also had strong outings with 28.9 and 21.4 respectively. But as Mr. T just pointed out, Chris Johnson has been unimpressive, especially when I had LDT on the bench putting up 28.9. CJ needs to perform in the next couple weeks or I'm going to get trigger-happy.

GazelleTank: Once again Favre's Wranglers put up a solid loss of just over 70 points to AG's team. It's a recurring theme that when you lose here, you lose hard. With blind determination and optimism I refuse to believe that I will let my team's name be sullied by such awful losses in the future. I'll be playing Brandon this weekend and with Vick rubbing and tugging himself and his injuries for the rest of the week I look forward to a win and getting rid of that 0 with the help of Bradshaw, Fitzgerald, the dynamic duo of Newton and Rodgers (if Newton doesn't crash and burn fingers crossed), and newest add-on Fred Davis. On another note I would like to congratulate my highest-scoring player, Ahmad Bradshaw, and the rest of Big Blue on an amazing game against the Eagles, because ending the losing streak is just what I needed in my time of realization that I was losing in this league. Birds can suck it, go Giants.

Laces Out Dan: The word of the week for What the Fuck is Juice?: craftiness. With another stud going down to a torn ACL, it's gonna have to be a creative week on the waiver wire to replace Kenny Britt. But I have still have hope for the season, since injuries happen to everyone. Only thing I'm scared of right now is that charging Baby Rhino on the loose…

J.Camm: It's become grossly evident that this is a re-building year for my team. I'm dead money in this league. A stale fart just along for the ride. I haven't even looked to see if I've lost to that homo, Captain's Orders, yet, I just have a gut feeling that I did. My squad is awful. They couldn't play with any less heart. There's no contract-year exuberance. Not even a spectacular last hurrah for Donovan McNabb. Bunch of f*cking losers. I'd love nothing more than to euthanize the whole lot of them. They make me sick.


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