Chick Sticks Hands Down Dude’s Pants At Bills Game For The Most Uninspired Handjob In Bills Mafia History


These Buffalo residents spent a total of $13 to watch their 6-6 Bills defeat the Houston Texans yesterday. Seven of those dollars were spent on the tickets and five spent on the two Colt 45 40 oz. they guzzled in the parking lot pre-game. Unfortunately, that didn’t leave much in the budget for gloves, as the temperatures dipped into handjob territory.

I’m starting to genuinely believe that a complimentary handjob comes with the price of admission at Ralph Wilson Stadium. It’s probably the only incentive the Bills Mafia has to abandon body slamming each other through tables in the parking lot. Genius play by the Bills marketing squad to put asses in the seats and hands in the pants. Everyone wins. Except the Bills, usually.

Check out the video of the most uninspired “handjob” in history over at Deadspin.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.