How to Declare War on New Years Resolutioners At The Gym, According To Dom Mazzetti



It’s that time of year when every out of shape American starts hitting the gym again proclaiming that “this is going to be the year I turn it all around and stop being fat.” January usually kills half of those people and by the end of February maybe ten-percent are still dedicated to change. The rest…well, they’re back to eating fast food and burying farts into their respective couch cushions while watching The Biggest Loser and thinking about doing it all again next year.

Dom Mazzetti can’t wait till the end of February, though. That’s too far away. He needs these pretenders to get the fuck out of his gym as soon as possible so he can get back to doing reps for Jesus. So he’s declaring war.