How To Keep Your Gains During The Holidays, According To Self-Appointed Fitness Guru Dom Mazzetti
With the holidays comes a personal dilemma: to let myself go to utter shit or to not let myself go to utter shit? For the last five or so years, I have chosen the easy way out. I have picked a path of disgusting gluttony and unending eater’s remorse.
I wasn’t always this way, of course, but I’ll be damned if I’ve found it very difficult to contain myself while standing in front of a platter of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Maybe age has something to do with it, or marriage, or just failing royally at giving a shit about my personal appearance. I can’t put my finger on it, but a safe bet is a combination of all three.
But this year is going to be different. I may not be following Dom Mazzetti’s advice on how to keep my gains during the holidays, but I will not be weak. I will not break. I will look that cookie in the eye and say, “NOT THIS YEAR MOTHERFUCKER!” I will be not be fueled with concern for my health and personal wellbeing, but rather, with raging narcissism and selfishness, because that is the only reason I workout in the first place.