Five NFL Teams Who Need to Give Their Starting QB the Axe, Plus the Week 17 NFL Picks
1. Houston Texans — Matt Schaub
On the surface you might think I’m nuts to suggest a team should ditch a quarterback who’s only 29 and has three straight seasons with a quarterback rating of 90 or higher. The fact of the matter is, however, that Schaub is not a winner. His team’s record is 22-25 in those three seasons and the defense can only be blamed for so much. The quarterback is required to lead his team to victory and Schaub is incapable of doing so. The Schaub-led offense managed only six f*cking points in the second half against the Broncos on Sunday while blowing a 17-0 halftime lead. That was two weeks after Schaub snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by throwing a pick six in overtime against Baltimore. He’s already 29, so how much more can his game actually mature?
2. Miami Dolphins — Chad Henne
Henne was destined for failure when he couldn’t keep his cleats on during a potential game-winning drive in a college game between his Michigan Wolverines and Wisconsin. Henne and the Dolphin offense was criticized for not getting the ball down the field last year, so they opened up the playbook this year. That was a bad f*cking idea. Henne has thrown 18 interceptions this season, fourth most in the league, and blew a three-point lead last Sunday with two interceptions in the fourth quarter. His Wonderlic score was 25th among starting quarterbacks to begin the season, which doesn’t exactly inspire hope for the future.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars — David Garrard
The first two choices were glaringly obvious for me (and the inspiration of this article), so I had to dig a little deeper for the rest. The Jaguars made the playoffs in Garrard’s second season at the helm, but have not been able to return since and look likely to come up short again this year. Garrard will be 33 by the time the next NFL season starts and his best years are likely behind him. One of his greatest assets was his mobility, but as he ages his body won’t deal as well with the punishment of NFL Sundays. Just look at how Donovan McNabb has become completely immobile in the latter stages of his career. The Jaguars need a guy with a little more explosivness, either with his feet or his arm.
4. Cincinnati Bengals — Carson Palmer
The effort last week was nice and all (it’ll help him get a starting job for the 49ers or Cardinals next year), but it’s time for the Bengals to move on from their so called “franchise” quarterback. Even a blind squirrel can find a nut once in a while. Palmer has been miserable this season, showing arm strength that makes your little sister look capable of playing in the NFL. He should actually have twice as many interceptions had he not bribed opposing cornerbacks to drop all the balls he threw right at their hands. In Palmer’s last four full seasons, the Bengals' record is a worthless 29-34. The Bengals need to scrap the entire offense and coaching staff and start fresh next season.
5. (tie) New York Giants — Eli Manning / Dallas Cowboys — Tony Romo
Let me start off this paragraph by saying I realize this is never going to happen. The Giants are invested in Eli long term and that won’t change anytime soon. The frustration in having this guy as your team’s quarterback is just overwhelming to the point where I decided to make him the fifth member of this list along with Tony Romo, despite the fact that Eli’s won a title. How many times does Eli throw an interception that makes you ask “what the f*ck was he thinking?” It’s his seventh NFL season. He shouldn’t be doing that anymore! He lost his two playoff games outside of that Super Bowl season and he has been the quarterback in their late-season collapses of ’06, ’09, and ’10. Coughlin should be canned for how the team has fallen apart in the second half of the season so many times, but Eli has to be accountable as well.
Romo has the same gene as Eli apparently, with the ability to bring you to your feet with amazing plays, and yet makes some throws that leave you shaking your head. He’s also spent enough time in the league where the stupid f*cking plays should be out of his system and they aren’t. He’s 1-3 in playoff games and was leading his team to a 1-4 record with all that talent before the collarbone injury. Sure, his numbers look great for fantasy football, but unfortunately that doesn’t win you any trophies.
Before we get to this week’s picks, I’d like to shout out the guys battling at the top of the BroBible group in ESPN’s Pigskin Pick ‘Em. Z. Eisemann’s entry currently leads the group and his entry is 730th overall, which is impressive. Good luck to everyone in the top of the group as they compete for the title. As much as everyone in the comments section likes to bag my picks, I’m still ranked 38th out of 470 entries in our group, so I guess I shouldn’t commit suicide. Admittedly the locks haven’t been great, but that’s life.
Locks of the Week
HOUSTON +1.5 over Jacksonville
It’s tough to pick games in Week 17 since a lot of teams have nothing to play for. The Jaguars need a Colts loss in order for this game to matter, but there’s no way I’m picking Trent Edwards against anybody.
ATLANTA -15 over Carolina
Last week’s loss to New Orleans makes this game meaningful for the Falcons and should scare them into a dominant effort.
DETROIT -3 over Minnesota
Don’t look now, but the Lions have won three in a row! The Vikings will be mentally burned from the big win in Philly and the short week.
Trap Game of the Week:
GREEN BAY -10 over Chicago
The Bears have nothing to play for after the Eagles crapped the bed on Tuesday night. Ten points still seems like a lot for this divisional affair, but I can’t take the side with no motivation.
Rest of the Picks:
BALTIMORE -9.5 over Cincinnati
The Ravens have an outside chance of winning the division. I’ll bet the Bengals don’t look as efficient offensively this week.
Tampa Bay +9 over NEW ORLEANS
Josh Freeman won many a fantasy championship for his owners last week, but can he compensate for all his team’s injuries against a team that’s just a tad better than the Seahawks? You gotta believe!
Pittsburgh -6 over CLEVELAND
After taking the league by storm, Peyton Hillis hasn’t had the same burn in the second half of the season. He’s not used to taking this many carries and his only 100-yard effort in the last six games came against Carolina.
KANSAS CITY -3 over Oakland
The Chiefs may have nothing to play for, but Todd Haley’s already said he plans on playing his guys so they don’t lose that fire.
Buffalo +1 over N.Y. JETS
Sanchez will start, but Mark Brunell will be playing before long as the Jets have a good chance to lose four out of their last five games before heading to Kansas City next weekend.
NEW ENGLAND -3.5 over Miami
There’s no reason for Bellichick to play his horses in this one, but even a half of good offense should be enough to win it.
San Diego -3 over DENVER
Norv Turner’s boys seem like the kind of team who would show up now that they’ve been eliminated from the playoffs. On the other side of the ball, Brandon Lloyd wants to let all the teams who passed on him know that they can go f*ck themselves.
SAN FRANCISCO -6.5 over Arizona
Expect the 49ers to have some fun this weekend after Mike Singletary got sent packing.
Tennessee +10 over INDIANAPOLIS
The Titans orchestrated a miracle cover only a few weeks ago and their running game should be able to manage this spread.
WASHINGTON +4 over N.Y. Giants
The Giants' season ended with eight minutes to go against the Eagles in Week 15. I’ve always been a Coughlin apologist, but this should be the end of the line for him.
Dallas +9 over PHILADELPHIA
It’s not yet known who will play quarterback for the Cowboys on Sunday, but the Eagles have an interest in keeping healthy for next week. You know the Cowboys would love to injure as many Eagles as possible, so Andy Reid would be smart to keep his best guys off the field. But if they did that, would they be considered wussies?
St. Louis -2.5 over SEATTLE
Sam Bradford! Charlie Whitehurst! I’ve been waiting all week for Sunday Night! O.K., not so much, but this is the most meaningful game of the week. I won’t pick Whitehurst to cover a spread until he cuts his hair and shaves his beard. Seriously Bro, you went to f*cking Clemson! You should know hot chicks don’t like that look.
Last Week: 8-8
Season Record: 117-117-6