Michael Vick To The Redskins? Fuck It, Why The Fuck Not?
The Washington Redskins’ quarterback situation heading into next season is–for want of calling it a trash can full of dead cats that a homeless person has been pissing into for a few months–in flux.
That’s because Jay Gruden was just told he’d be returning next season. Gruds is adamantly against having SUPERSTAR Robert Griffin III touch the football, let alone having him come within three hundred yards of the team’s practice facility.
There’s Kirk Cousins, who plays the position with the eager, yet shitty disposition of a schoolyard boy desperate to be chosen for a sports team (Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! (Get it, because he’s begging to be intercepted)). Lastly, you’ve got Colt McCoy, who, while he has moxie, may no longer have a neck.
So… what’s a venerable sports franchise to do?
Well, you don’t take Michael Vick off the Jets’ scrap heap. But Vick, who is at the end of a one-year deal, said today he would gladly come to D.C. From The Washington Post:
“I mean, that’ll be a dream come true.”
“That’s home,” Vick, who is from the Tidewater area of Virginia, told reporters, with Newsday’s Kimberley A. Martin saying that he was “beaming like a child” as he spoke. “That’s home for me. Don’t get me excited. Don’t get me excited.”
Look, this is a terrible, terrible idea. Which is exactly why Dan Snyder, seeing national buzz and jersey sales, would leap at it. Sure, so Washington just failed with a mobile quarterback. So, what if Gruden only wants a traditional drop back passer?
Who gives a fuck anymore? As a lifelong Redskins fan, I actually don’t want to see this team win a Super Bowl as long as their shit bag owner is in charge. I’d much rather have every season end in chaos, each year a bigger steaming dump that’s been more spectacularly set ablaze than the year before. The better to embarrass Snyder.
How better to do that than by having a washed up, dog murderer under center, while wearing a jersey with a racist slur splayed across his chest?
Do it. VICK TO WASHINGTON. Please.