This Chick Tried To Write A Major Paper While Hammered And Holy Shit This Is A Steaming Pile Of Failure

By 09.22.16

Unless you’re the type of person who spends all day every day spewing thoughts off the top of your head it is VERY inadvisable to get hammered and attempt to write a serious paper. I’ve always said that the hardest part about blogging is doing it hungover (or drunk) when your mind is a pile of watery Jell-o, and this is for people who spend every day putting their words into sentences online. Now take some drunk college chick who might have to form five coherent paragraphs a week, get that chick drunk, and the results are probably going to be disastrous because her tool isn’t exactly sharpened.

The chick below sent in what might go down as the worst excuse for a college paper ever formed:

Here’s the text:

Illegal to kiss on a train (mala prohibita) talk about weather it should be illegal or not. It should be legal to kiss on the train because it is romantic. Professor Grams, my name is McKenna. I had some Dr. Pepper’s I am doing good. Your assignment is way too hard. I can’t do it right now. I am better now, however, because the Dr. Pepper’s wore off. I am not contemplating the assignemtn that you gave me. It’s illegal to kiss on the train because it is a safety violation. If you are kissing while on the train you must realize that it could end up being dangerous. If the driver was kissing on the train, who would be driving the train. You are welcome.

Love You.

I guess she deserves some props for tweeting out her heaping pile of guano instead of hiding in shame, but if I was that student I’d probably just quit college now. If you’re not sharp enough to put together coherent thoughts when you’re hammered I’m not sure you’re polished enough to make it through college, and it’s better to rip that band-aid off quick instead of delaying the inevitable.

Love you.

…h/t TheLadBible

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