Bros, GOOD NEWS! Your Girlfriend Is Going To Stop Eating Kale And Avocado Toast In 2015

by 3 years ago
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Shutterstock


Along with greek yogurt and pumpkin spice lattes (“OMG, PSLs!!!”), we all know that chicks LOVE kale and avocado toast. Both are buzzy food “trends” that have exploded amongst the yoga-pants wearing basic girl population over the past couple years. But the basic girls of the world have hit peak kale, quinoa, and avocado toast, Bros, which means your girlfriend’s expensive kale and avocado toast habit is going to ride into the sunset in 2015.

According to Gothamist, the international food and restaurant consultants Baum + Whiteman just released their forecast for what’s hot and what’s not in the kitchen in 2015. The food industry “experts” say that kale and avocado toast are going the way of the buffalo. Other things that are going to be “out” and “in” in the food world, via the trends report:

Sriracha — “Look for lots more sweet-spicy sauces and condiments. Chefs and big restaurant chains are experimenting with piquant honey: habanero honey, jalapeno honey and ghost chili honey, ginger-citrus honey.”

Sweet Flavored Yogurt — “Health-crazed consumers gorge on fruit-flavored, yogurt … not knowing they’re buying candy-level calories. Now comes vegetable yogurt….” Look for tomato, kimchee, squash, beet, carrot-flavored yogurt.”

Salsa — “Hummus. Hummus everywhere.”

Bacon — “But not for all things pork, though. More guanciale, more pancetta, more fried ears, more cheeks… and then there’s ‘ndjua (not a typo), a light-up-your mouth spreadable sausage… made, originally, from unmentionable parts of the pigs that’s now finding its way onto pasta, melting over pork chops, spiking mushrooms over focaccia…. ”

Beer — “Look for more Micheladas!” Editor’s Note: They’re dead fucking wrong here. 

Expect to see a lot of the following, especially if you’re dating a girl who’s obsessed with Real Simple, Pinterest, and sharing Buzzfeed listicles with her besties on Facebook:

Pistachios
Pimm’s Cup
Shaved ice desserts
Flavored salts
Fermented food
Savory ice creams and yogurts
Insect protein bars
Plant-based proteins
Protein in general
Seaweed
Savory waffles and waffle sandwiches
Matcha

MMMM!!!!! DELICIOUS, ORGANIC, ARTISANAL, LOCALLY-SOURCED INSECT PROTEIN BARS!

The report also says that oysters will be huge in 2015 because of high yields and low prices, along with WHISKEY, who’s demand is so off the charts right now that it’s causing a shortage. I love both of those things, a lot. They also mention batshit crazy-sounding stoner munchies, such as “Shrimp-and-Mayonnaise or Avocado-Cheese Doritos; Lay’s Hot & Sour Fish Soup Potato Chips; KFC’s salty ginger-chicken chips; Pepsi-flavored Cheetos.”Baum and Whiteman also claims that people will be drinking less soda in lieu of coconut water and other natural drinks, but that’s just something silly Brooklyn hipsters say who haven’t been to a Wal-Mart in middle America in a while to witness their endless rows of Mt. Dew bottles.

If you like food as much as I LIKE food (i.e. just ate a pack of beef jerky… YOLO!), Baum and Whiteman’s entire report is pretty fascinating, so go read it in full on their website.

 

Kale pic via Shutterstock


TAGSbasic girlsFoodgirlfriendsTrends

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