You Are Most Likely To Get Dumped On This One Specific Day And It’s Right Around The Corner So Get Your Favorite Spank Lube Now
Despite it being the beginning of cuffing season, it turns out that it’s also dumping season. There is one specific day of the year that people break up and it is next week!
Statisticians combed through countless Facebook status updates and “break up” posts to discover that December 11th is the day couples are more likely to call it quits.
So stop shopping for the “perfect” holiday gift of a down comforter or luxury candles because that trifling ass girlfriend of yours is about to smash your tender heart to smithereens. Return that framed photo of both of you from happier times because you’ll just end up hugging it while weeping and yelling into the sky, “WHHHHHHHYYYYYY!!!” Use that new-found money to stock up on your favorite whack-off lube because you’ll need it.
Maybe you are the dumper and not the dumpee. In that case, bravo to you good sir because you just saved a bunch of money on stupid Christmas presents like a Roomba, panties or a FitBit.
Breakup day is THIS Sunday so don’t be fooled into buying a puppy for the chick who is about to crush your little world. Wait. Maybe buy the puppy, you’ll be lonely AF and will need any companionship you can get.
If your eventually doomed relationship lasts past December 11, the number of breakups continues to decline. But as soon as spring hits you’ll probably get dumped then.